Sunday, October 21, 2007
school starts tml! wad a spoiler! :(
woke up this morning with a strange thought.. suddenly remembered this friend who has been kind of.. 'belittling' my efforts to keep in touch.. feels like my efforts to care, to keep this person as a friend is being slighted and unappreciated.. i'm not saying giving in a friendship requires appreciation in return, but well, i truly believe that you shouldn't only talk to a person when u want something from him or her.. human relationships shouldn't be based upon motives or furtive aims..
yesterday i suddenly felt like i finally understood what the experts mean when they say teenage is a time when youngsters are trying to discover who they really are..
i remember when i was younger, i was always "collecting" 'nice' traits from everyone..how they laugh, how they interact with seniors, how they interact with other people, how they talk online, what they do in certain situations, the way they dress, many many other things... i was constantly changing my behaviour.. its like.. i'm trying to collect as many traits that i like and admire about other people as possible, and then try to incorporate them into myself..trying to tranform myself into someone i presume will be nicer,funnier,sweeter,more popular etc etc..
it was a period of much fluidity.. at times i felt so fake, because i was merely trying to act like someone else, i dinnoe who i really was..
but now.. i think most things have already been cast and set in mould.. when i spot traits that i like from others, i no longer try so hard to make them mine.. i admire them for who they are, and dun try to hard to be someone i am not.. its not that i no longer try to improve myself, of cos when i spot something that can make myself a better person i do try to change, but yeah, u just accept that people are different, and that you are you and there is not much point trying to be someone who is not 'you'.. so.. yeah somehow your personality has already been set.. you are surer of who you really are.. how you normally will react in certain situations, what you want for yourself.. the things you do are more reflective of your true personality..
well.. maybe it really is that we have kind of 'found' ourselves.. or maybe, we are just too tired and resistant to change? because we have gotten older and more jaded, we have stopped trying?
owells... i've been enjoying the 1 week break! :) its such a refreshing time! stoning at home, watching taiwan serials, sleep in till.. 1pm.. sleep late.. surf the net for hours with no aim.. bumming ard the corners, chatting with mum.. going out.. chill!!! time really passes in terms of 'posting'.. that's horrible.. haha.. had a nice cg outing on friday at manhatten fish market and then b&j!!
haha you can see everyone trying their best to tackle the tub of ice cream which was as solid as rock! i'm so gonna miss them.. miss our little talks and toilet trips.. miss the lunch time conversations, the before lunch conversations, the after lunch conversations.. ah.... we'll come together again soon!
ciaos for now!!
