_living each day*

religion

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I finally finished watching all 5 parts! thanks bean for sending these links..

The God Delusion - 5 parts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3p51MBKMLk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_aw1O6nyms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZU111Q5ASs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZgX4lSy-Mg

this documentary is by richard dawkins, the oxford prof who wrote the book "the selfish gene"..
i wish i had seen this during jc.. then i'd have more things to say and write during gp class and not seem like an ignorant fool haha..

its rather interesting.. cos his words can be very sharp and caustic at times.. and haha the "candid" footages of "prominent" people blurting out their extreme views and getting angry is quite interesting too!

while his views may be rather extremist at times, its thought-provoking..
it gets me thinking about what is "faith"..
is faith like what we all know it as? unconditional acceptance of something being "thrown" to us, without questioning, without doubt? or do we need to have some "fundamental" evidence to build our foundation upon before we can accept the "bigger picture" that presents later?

its just like how you tell your friends "i have faith in you, don't worry."
you can have faith in some person because you really believe that the person has the ability.. if that person is a bummer and good-for-nothing, you wouldn't say "i have faith in you" before he goes for a job interview right? i mean of cos some of us will still say it as a gesture of politeness haha..

The documentary has some very funny quotes..

while science sees it as a challenge, religion thrives on unsolved mysteries.
so evolution driven by natural selection brings us to the top, from primeval simplicity to ultimate complexity. the designer hypothesis couldn't even begin to do that because it raises an even bigger bigger problem than it solves-- who made the designer?
the abundance and variety of life on earth may seem improbable, but it self-evidently seems even more futile to invent an improbable god to explain that improbability
the process of non-thinking called faith
this is a democratic society, but our gov wants to restrict our freedom to criticize faith
religion & faith discourages independent thought, it is divisive, and is dangerous
faith demands a positive suspension of critical faculties
what is really scary is that the religious warriors think that what they're doing is the ultimate good
what is the battle between good and evil is essentially the battle btn 2 evils

science cannot disprove the existence of god, but it doesn't prove that god exists.

haha.. that's why i'm an agnostic.
you can't prove it, you can't disprove it either..
so why not just take things as they come.. if there is a god and there is judgement day, you wouldn't have to fear if you have not committed hideous sins in this life, and have been leading a morally upright life..
and if this god refuses to acknowledge you because you didn't believe in him when you were alive, then.. i guess i can only be disappointed with this god. god is made out to be selfless and giving, the epitomy of righteousness, the moral paragon. if he's so petty about these kinda things, then no thanks, there's no need to believe in this god. what's important is that i know god exists for sure in my afterlife. who cares whether i believed it in my mortal life?

*yawn*
i need to get well soon..
maybe i'm sick so that my passion to study med will be renewed..

__pondering* 7:40 PM :)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

came across this very sweet picture while surfing for inspiration for em's card yesterday..

yes.. things do change very fast

fate can seed in you a belief that a certain friendship can blossom

but only time can tell

maybe i need a hypnotherapist to bring the unconscious into the conscious..

__pondering* 11:22 PM :)

Sunday, January 21, 2007

gosh..
what a nice video..
nickelback- faraway..
gives so much meaning to the song..
click on the link!!!

Far Away Video

Far Away lyrics - Nickelback lyrics

Nickelback Music Videos

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

'cos with you,
I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand

I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything
but I won't give up

have this overwhelming urge to head down to indochine tonight and listen to the live band..
takers anyone? girls?

__pondering* 12:46 PM :)

Saturday, January 20, 2007

its nice to see wah ming again!
we've known each other for... 12-13 years? what a long time!

its strange how you can not see someone for quite some time, and when u meet up, you can "insult" each other like nobody's business.. haha.. all the name calling, taunting, teasing.. haha

and uncle johari also la..

"hey guys, you can treat baorong like one of the guys you know? don't be shy to tease her!"
*br makes a stupid face

"she was nice enough to play for our club.. haha.. but i tell you, after the first session, she told me 'uncle jo, my hand pain.. cannot play already.. then the second session, she said "uncle jo, my leg pain.." every session surely something pain haha!"
*br laughs super loudly at the side
"aiya, really pain what.. so long nv play then suddenly get thrashed by ppl.."

haha me and my excuses.
whatever happened to my new year resolution haha.

i just love being "brudder" with the guys la.. no awkwardness, no need for pretence, what you see is the real 'me'.

and yes.. isotope! haha wad a huge surprise to get your call.. sorry ah, had to cut it short cos i needed to go for trg. you gave me a super big shock lorhz. but it was rly great to catch up w u.. and i wanna hear your stories man. hear halfway only.. but ya, life's really unpredictable. who would have guessed the connections in our lives haha!!! and yes, i agree with your decisions..do keep an open mind though.. and please mind your back :P

i guess i need some self-talk now to keep myself sane haha.

__pondering* 8:31 PM :)

a very sweet song by aaron carter..

there's something i've got to say
you're always with me even though you're far away
talking to u on my cell
just the sound of your voice
makes my heart melt
oh girl
its true

i'm all about you
i'm all about us
no baby you nv have to question my love
and everynight
there's a new crowd
but its always u i'm singing abt
there is only one these words are going out to
oh gurl
i'm all abt you..

i know you worry sometimes
sometimes u worry
some other gurl will make me
forget you're mine
there's not a doubt in this world
that anyone cld take
the place of my no.1 gurl..
its true

when i close my eyes
i can see you
its like you're right here

and this feeling's only getting stronger
you're with me everywhere..

i'm all about you..

if only his actions are consistent with the lyrics of his song.
keep reading about him toying with the feelings of gurls blearghz

but nonetheless
this song is making me melt now..

__pondering* 2:37 PM :)

不想让你知道

忽然不想让你知道，
在我心中你多重要，
既然你要自由你就得到，
让你永远都记得我好。

忽然不想让你知道，
你的爱我已经戒不掉。
就让思念淹没我不想逃，
反正你将永远不知道。

今夜星光多美好，
适合用寂寞去凭吊。
我们曾用爱互相依靠，
付出多少不用计较。

想一个人多美好，
就算只剩记忆可参考。
被爱放逐到天涯海角，
我的思念你不用都知道。

直到有天你我年老，
回忆随著白发风中闪耀。
至少我清清楚楚知道，
你若想起我会微笑.

不想让你知道，但又担心你永远不知道..

__pondering* 12:01 PM :)

Friday, January 19, 2007

surfing through my friends' blogs..
wow there's this feature that allows you to play songs from their blogs..
and so i've been blasting different christian songs the whole afternoon
songs like "yearn" "arise" "the answer" by shane and shane..
and i have to admit that they are very nice
the guitar and vocals are very soothing
perhaps its because its suppose to be songs of worship
that's why they sound very earnest and sincere..
without the sadness and angst of the love songs playing on radio this era

saw my isotope's blog..
top 10 reasons why ppl dun wanna get married:

1.Skepticism about love and marriage
2.Lack of faith in God's provision
3.Unresolved issues from the past
4.Confusion about the rules of dating/courtship
5.A poor understanding of the purpose of marriage
6.Fear of getting hurt
7.Wanting the perfect mate
8.Not dealing with prior heartbreak
9.An unbalanced emphasis on career
10.Concern that their marriage will fail

alright, skepticism.
blame the tv shows.
recently i realised that for every happy ending, there are simultaneously many sad endings.
most of the time, we are too caught up in the emotional turmoil of the main characters to be able to feel the agony and pain of the "other" people.
and while we feel happy that the "prince" and "princess" got the happy ending they deserve, how many of us have spared a thought for the sidekicks?
and though all of us are the main characters in our own stories,
how can we be sure that we'll play important roles in that of others?
what's love? what's marriage?
the definitions are so subjective.
and expectations are so varied.
i don't blame people for being skeptical.

unresolved issues from the past.
i guess all of us are escapist by nature. in one way or another.
no one likes to revisit the unhappy past, though it is necessary to.

confusion abt the rules of courtship.
life is already so complicated, why make it more complicated?
i guess in the end what counts is honesty.
and of course one cannot afford to do whatever one likes
always spare a thought for the other party
that's 'nuff i guess?

poor understanding of the purpose of getting married
it is an expression of committment.
there are some people who say that if you are committed, then you are committed.
there is no need for a legal procedure or a piece of cellulose to affirm anything.
but since you are so committed, then why are you scared that the cert will tie you down?
i guess marriage is like a milestone.
it brings the couple to a higher stage in their relationship.
its kind of an emotional turning point.
you know, turning points usually occur when something drastic happens and makes you change your view.
the marriage ceremony is something like that.
you can't just wake up one day and then have a turning point.

ramble ramble ramble.
i'm just in a restless mood.

its amazing how i've turned out the way i am
i cannot remember when my temper started to get better bit by bit.
guess its been a long way.. from breaking rackets in the past, to letting things go with a smile.
trying not to be so competitive.
not so demanding
not so impatient
be more sociable
and tolerant
and not care too much abt what other ppl think
the changes are so gradual. and i dun even realise it until i reflect and realise that "the baorong in the past would have done this and that, not like now".
i believe people grow and learn from past experiences
we have to learn to let some things go
forgive and forget.
some turning points take a bit of adjusting to
in this world,
the only constant is change.

__pondering* 4:37 PM :)

why do all good things come to an end??

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

i am just not in the mood to study.. haven't been studying these few days anyway..

the future seems so obscure.. sometimes i wonder whether the things i am doing now will have any bearing on my future..
who knows?
i might get sick of medicine (sorry, pun unintended)
maybe pick up a new skill.. like baking.. and.. hmmm.. carve a niche for myself in another industry?

i wonder if i am too "unambitious"..
i am not aiming to be any well-known doctor or to be the most outstanding doc.. my only wish now is just to get by.. just do what i do..
seems like besides wanting to be a doctor, i do not have other "smaller" aims in life.. i only have one big abstract goal, the rest is a whirl of blur.

maybe i am just leaving some space so that i can fulfil some of my other "useless" wishes.. but precisely because they are so "useless" and serve no purpose, i have no motivation to go after them.. inertia larhz. envy you b.. u r courageous enough to go after what your heart wants to do.. go to japan, learn jap, take up sewing, go to singing classes, etc etc.. at least at the end of the day, even if things do not work out, you can tell yourself "i tried".

so fast.. everyone's turning 21 this year! betty, ness, qiantai, renji are adults already.. emily and moses soon.. i've known so many people for so long! ness, jess,b, liwei for 12 years, the rest of the girls for 9 years.. its amazing to look through the photo albums and see the transformation of all of us.. childish girls sitting beside the fish pond singing spice girls songs.. rebellious rg girls sauntering down orchard with low belts and ankle socks pretending that we are super cool.. ignorant jc kids thinking that we're the most senior and that secondary sch kids are childish.. and now uni undergrads pursuing our different goals in life..we're like kites with a single common origin, as the years pass, our lines slowly unreel and we soar in the vast blue sky in whatever direction the wind brings us to..
i like to think that all of us are flying at the same level, no one is higher than anyone else.. afterall, we're all searching for our own places in different parts of the sky, who's faring better and who's not is only a matter of perspective. we all have some things that others don't.
yeps, but at the end of the day, we all have a single origin. we all started out as silly young girls in rulang/rgs, always envying the seniors and wanting to grow up.. may all of us leave no "if only's" in our lives and be so close always!!! :)

__pondering* 7:50 PM :)

reminiscing

Saturday, January 06, 2007

suddenly i thought of mrs prama, our discipline mistress in rgs.. i wonder if she's still in rg and if she's still the discipline mistress now.. we used to think she was super strict and ya, of cos everyone hated discipline mistresses..

there was this time, in either sec 3 or 4, when we went to msia for e junior open during the hols.. and bx and i dyed our hair.. i had one super cool blonde streak across my fringe (oh man i miss it..!) but of cos we can't go to sch with dyed hair.. so on the last day of hols, i bought some dark brown dye to attempt to dye my hair back to e original colour (which is not black).. but some chemical rxn took place and my whole head turned auburn! and it was too late to buy any other dye cos i dyed my hair super late at night so that i could have my super cool fringe for a few hours longer..

so i went to school looking like a chao lian with auburn hair. and of course, chao lians stand out in the carpark.. so i got called out to see mrs prama after morning assembly.. i mean.. yeah i should have expected it.. but still.. god knows how frightened i was la! i think i was close to tears lo.. i was just a rebellious kid who wants to rebel but was scared of the consequences.. i was thinking to myself this time sure die one.. confirm get booked or kena detention and scolded like shit lo..

but no! mrs prama was very nice about it! to my utter shock.. she was like "girl.. why is your hair this colour?" and i think at the time i was almost gonna cry.. then to my surprise she went, "its the 1st day of school, so i'm not gonna book you. but i'm giving you a deadline. get your hair back to the normal colour by tomorrow and come and see me again ya?"

oh my god. how nice was that?

my impression of her changed totally after that. suddenly, she became more human, not just this cold-blooded figure standing at the podium everyday scrutinizing the girls with eagle eyes, jumping at any opportunity to book them. yeah.. she won my respect.. this is an instance of how a teacher can make a student learn her lesson, not by reprimanding her, but by giving her another chance.

but of course, some other teachers are not as forgiving..

i think mrs newby the geog teacher had a super bad impression of me larhz.. went into the classroom and made a snide remark about my hair.. and i think the bad impression stuck with her for super long..

there was this time she caught me doing chinese hw during her class ( i had trg later in the evening mah, so must chiong no choice).. she just snatched my book away and glared at me throughout the whole class.. at the end of lesson she said i was to go see her if i still wanted my book.. so yeah, i went to find her during recess which was 1 block of class later.. she took super long to come out.. and when she came out we went to sit at the pavillion.. where she just stared and glared at me the whole time.. and i was so so so bloody intimidated and scared.. and i just kept apologizing profusely.. but she just had no reaction.. she had this smug look on her face and when she spoke, she only said "is there anything else you want to say?"

i mean, what else is there to say? i just kept saying "sorry mrs newby, i won't do it again".. and by that time i was really crying like nobody's business. i was terribly scared lo.. i dun get scolded by teachers often lo! imagine this poor girl sitting there crying and choking and coughing and struggling to say sorry.. while the teacher sits there emotionless and gives the cold treatment. in the end she gave the book back to me in quite a violent manner and asked me to shoo. like literally shoo.

i was still sobbing when i walked up the stairs and met mdm yeo lay, the physics teacher and squash teacher in charge. and the worst thing she could do was to ask me "what happened? are u ok?" oh man. the flood gates just opened once again, and this time i cried till i almost got an asthma attack.. i think she was so so so traumatised la.. she accompaned me to the toilet.. and after like.. minutes of trying to gasp for breath admidst the mucus and tears (i am NOT exaggerating) i finally told her "i got scolded by my teacher". oh shit i feel maluated thinking about it even lo. but surely, a student does not deserve this kind of treatment just for doing chinese hw during geog class right?

i think mrs newby really dislikes me.. the following year when i went back to rg during speech day to collect my prize, i met her on bus 105.. and yeah, she made some real sarcastic comment about me before she got off the bus. and reason being? the plaster i put on my heel to prevent the court shoes from giving me blisters was falling off. yeah.

the worst thing a teacher can do is to give the student silent treatment. its unduly traumatizing and does not serve any purpose except to give her something to write about on her blog a few years down the road.

i have no idea why i'm writing all these. but anything beats studying microb hands down.

listening to hotel california.

"some DANCE to remember. some DANCE to forget." (haha)

if you had to choose either one of the 2, would u want to dance to remember or to forget?
i choose the former. cos at least, there are good memories to hold on to..

__pondering* 9:25 PM :)