Friday, March 10, 2006
i just have to post some really really inspiring things i read from the book..
Be honest with those who are close to you. Let them know that you are in a bad mood and, if possible, be specific about the nature of what has you out of sorts. And if you are the person who is listening, don't feel that your loved one is looking to you for answers or solutions. Often the fact that you listened sympathetically will make him feel better.
When you are utterly frustrated or angry, express these feelings. You don't have to be nice all the time- just most of the time. When you are frustrated or angry, you shouldn't be afraid to vent your anger, though not necessarily toward someone else. You can curse silently under your breath or even out loud if the situation permits. Venting your feelings is not inconsistent with maintaining your composure. In fact, expressing negative feelings periodically helps alleviate frustrations in the long run. It is healthy to complain, show anger, or cry somtimes. When i express my anger out loud to people who will understand, it is great to have someone who will listen and hear my complaining for what it is, without telling me, "Oh, don't say that," or "You're more mature than that."
When I'm angry or complaining, I want to be angry and complaining. I find that complaining and being open about my frustration is cathartic, and I know my mood is not going to last very long. Pretty soon I will be back to my usual self. That's a whole lot better than censoring my feelings and letting them eat away at me.
If you don't have someone who will listen to your complaints without getting upset or judgmental, write about your anger or dictate into a tape recorder. You can gain distanvce and perspective by writing down what you are going through. When i write about my experiences, they seem to take a place outside of me on the paper. When I'm reading about them, it is as if the events were happening to someone else, and I can look at that "someone else" more objectively. (my sentiments Exactly!!!)
Acceptance is not a talent you either have or don't have. It's a learned response. My meditation teacher made a great point about the difference between a reaction and a response: You may not have control over your initial reaction to something, but you can decide what your response will be.
Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Reminisce about it, but don't live in it. Learn from it, but don't punish yourself about it or continually regret it. Don't get stuck in it.
I think so many of us are too hard on ourselves for what we didn't accomplish or what we should have done. The first step is to forgive yourself for all the things you didn't do that you should have and all the things that you did do that you shouldn't have. Get rid of the guilt. Negative feelings don't do you much good. The way to deal with them is to forgive yourself and to forgive others. (this applies to so many of us.. i'm thinking of someone in particular though..)
People need to be needed. You like to be asked for your input, you want to give it. Helping someone else makes you feel like a good person. Everyone wants to feel that he or she is a good person, whether or not this is so. The need to be needed is a powerful impulse, so be aware that when you accept someone's help, you are also giving back something. (that's why i guess giving is more joyous than receiving?)
And yes.. to leave everyone with a food for thought.. A deceivingly simple question that really makes you think a lot when you grasp its essence..
Some people sleepwalk through life, not passionately involved in anything, but that's not the way it is for most of us. I believe the potential of passionate involvement is there in everybody. If you are feeling apathetic, take the time to assess what your interests are. What do you really care about? What have been the driving forces in your life? Who are you?
What is the essence of yourself? Who are you when you think of yourself? Are you all the roles you play? Are you more than your roles? We used to discuss that in sociology- are you more than a role player? You're a family member, you're a worker, you're this or that, but is there something else besides all these roles? ( Are we greater than the sum of all our parts?)
Hope that someone, even 1 person will do, has gained some new insight and perspective from these paragraphs, just as i had. The book is really meaningful.. Life is more about mugging.. read it if you have the time! :)
