Tuesday, March 21, 2006
after going a few whole big rounds, i'm back to square one.
and i've made myself seem like a fool.
i must really learn to be more responsible.. accept my responsibilities and not push them around.
oh, how ashamed i am of myself.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
what?
did you just say there's 3 more weeks to mbbs pros?
did you just say that?
did you say that there're tonnes of things to memorize?
did you say that there're tonnes to things to go through?
did you say that there's not enough time to go through everything that needs to be gone through?
what? did you?
i didn't hear anything. and i don't want to. let me be stuck in my little fantasy world.
Friday, March 10, 2006
i just have to post some really really inspiring things i read from the book..
Be honest with those who are close to you. Let them know that you are in a bad mood and, if possible, be specific about the nature of what has you out of sorts. And if you are the person who is listening, don't feel that your loved one is looking to you for answers or solutions. Often the fact that you listened sympathetically will make him feel better.
When you are utterly frustrated or angry, express these feelings. You don't have to be nice all the time- just most of the time. When you are frustrated or angry, you shouldn't be afraid to vent your anger, though not necessarily toward someone else. You can curse silently under your breath or even out loud if the situation permits. Venting your feelings is not inconsistent with maintaining your composure. In fact, expressing negative feelings periodically helps alleviate frustrations in the long run. It is healthy to complain, show anger, or cry somtimes. When i express my anger out loud to people who will understand, it is great to have someone who will listen and hear my complaining for what it is, without telling me, "Oh, don't say that," or "You're more mature than that."
When I'm angry or complaining, I want to be angry and complaining. I find that complaining and being open about my frustration is cathartic, and I know my mood is not going to last very long. Pretty soon I will be back to my usual self. That's a whole lot better than censoring my feelings and letting them eat away at me.
If you don't have someone who will listen to your complaints without getting upset or judgmental, write about your anger or dictate into a tape recorder. You can gain distanvce and perspective by writing down what you are going through. When i write about my experiences, they seem to take a place outside of me on the paper. When I'm reading about them, it is as if the events were happening to someone else, and I can look at that "someone else" more objectively. (my sentiments Exactly!!!)
Acceptance is not a talent you either have or don't have. It's a learned response. My meditation teacher made a great point about the difference between a reaction and a response: You may not have control over your initial reaction to something, but you can decide what your response will be.
Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it. Reminisce about it, but don't live in it. Learn from it, but don't punish yourself about it or continually regret it. Don't get stuck in it.
I think so many of us are too hard on ourselves for what we didn't accomplish or what we should have done. The first step is to forgive yourself for all the things you didn't do that you should have and all the things that you did do that you shouldn't have. Get rid of the guilt. Negative feelings don't do you much good. The way to deal with them is to forgive yourself and to forgive others. (this applies to so many of us.. i'm thinking of someone in particular though..)
People need to be needed. You like to be asked for your input, you want to give it. Helping someone else makes you feel like a good person. Everyone wants to feel that he or she is a good person, whether or not this is so. The need to be needed is a powerful impulse, so be aware that when you accept someone's help, you are also giving back something. (that's why i guess giving is more joyous than receiving?)
And yes.. to leave everyone with a food for thought.. A deceivingly simple question that really makes you think a lot when you grasp its essence..
Some people sleepwalk through life, not passionately involved in anything, but that's not the way it is for most of us. I believe the potential of passionate involvement is there in everybody. If you are feeling apathetic, take the time to assess what your interests are. What do you really care about? What have been the driving forces in your life? Who are you?
What is the essence of yourself? Who are you when you think of yourself? Are you all the roles you play? Are you more than your roles? We used to discuss that in sociology- are you more than a role player? You're a family member, you're a worker, you're this or that, but is there something else besides all these roles? ( Are we greater than the sum of all our parts?)
Hope that someone, even 1 person will do, has gained some new insight and perspective from these paragraphs, just as i had. The book is really meaningful.. Life is more about mugging.. read it if you have the time! :)
Thursday, March 09, 2006
i am feeling extremely nauseated. very.
watched munich yesterday.. and got around reading about the munich olympic massacre today.. greatly saddens me.. i am too sheltered. while there are people out there fighting, giving up their lives for something that i have always taken for granted- a home. a nation.. i am here whining about seemingly insignificant things.. i can never understand the conflict between the israelis and the palestinians.. their conflict over land and nation sovereignty.. because i have not gone through all of that myself. ali told abner in the show.. that he will do anything just to have a home to return to. others might find their crusade insane, but that is because they have somewhere to belong to.. they will never understand. he might fail. but generations after him will continue to fight.. for a place they can call their own.. the show was rather heavy.. very thought provoking.. luckily rou was there to explain what was happening.. if not i would have been totally lost. its a good show.. but pls only watch it after you have at least read something about it.. perhaps on wikipedia.
and wikipedia led me to reading about the holocaust.. it is sick. it is sick. it is thoroughly sick. sick. sick.
i delved into this josef mengele person. he is a renowned doctor.. a crazy one in fact. he took delight in conducting bizzare puke-inducing insane inhumane.. terrifying unthinkable experiments on the prisoners he took. here are just same examples.
High-Altitude Experiments-- to investigate the limits of human endurance and existence at extremely high altitudes. The victims were placed in the low-pressure chamber and thereafter the simulated altitude therein was raised. Many victims died as a result of these experiments and others suffered grave injury, torture, and ill-treatment.
Incendiary Bomb Experiments-- to test the effect of various pharmaceutical preparations on phosphorous burns. These burns were inflicted on the victims with phosphorous matter taken from incendiary bombs, and caused severe pain, suffering, and serious bodily injury.
Freezing Experiments-- to investigate the most effective means of treating persons who had been severely chilled or frozen. The victims were forced to remain in a tank of ice water for up to 3 hours. Extreme rigor developed in a short time. Numerous victims died in the course of these experiments. After the survivors were severely chilled, rewarming was attempted by various means. In another series of experiments, the victims were kept naked outdoors for many hours at temperatures below freezing. The victims screamed with pain as their bodies froze.
Sea-water Experiments-- to study various methods of making sea water drinkable. The victims were deprived of all food and given only chemically processed sea water. Such experiments caused great pain and suffering and resulted in serious bodily injury to the victims.
this is all too cruel.. too cruel.. the depth of injuries he inflicted to these victims.. i feel like crying..
who can understand? there are so many tortured souls out there in the world.. so many.. why? why and how can anyone be so cruel to create a life, put it on earth, and subject it to so much misery and torture? is there any god?
i dunno.. visited wang's blog.. then jess'.. then mich's.. then bx's.. i din even know she resurrected a blog.. sigh.. and i din even know about that major decision she wanted to make.. i dunno.. i just feel like crying for all my friends who are feeling upset, including ness and aileen too.. even though i know my tears wun be able to cleanse away their pains..
