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... the year 2005 ...
Saturday, December 31, 2005

As i was lying in bed last night, i started to reflect on the year gone past.. and i realised that it was the wrong time to do just that! it was time to sleep! heh.. so here i am..

it seemed like just a few weeks ago when i watched the first sunrise of the year atop some high korean mountain with my fellow obk people and many other koreans.. wondering what the coming year might bring.. and wow.. the year has passed fast indeed.. accelerating past me at a speed so fast i can hardly grasp the truth.

the year started out with outward bound korea.. and then a trip to london and cambridge for my interview.. i remember my joy at being able to go to a country far away.. a place teeming with angmohs instead of asians (or rather, msians..).. and yet that trip brought along with it a sense of downess.. cos afterall, it was an interview trip.. not for holidaying.. and. i was there with my mum.. ahem.. how fun can parents get ya?

after that, a long period of stagnancy ensued.. the break whereby my emotions were oscillating like a quartz clock gone horribly wrong..

when i was jobless: "i wish i can find a job.. there is nothing to do at home.. i am rotting.. i hate waking up and knowing that there is nothing on for me to do.."

when i had a job: "i wish i could sleep longer at home and laze around.. working is so tiring.. i don't enjoy it at all!"

yes.. typical human nature.. those 8 months saw me frantcally scrutinizing the classified ads on the straits times and lianhezaobao so carefully i feel like some old unemployed ahpek sitting trishaw-man styled in the kopitiam drinking beer in broad daylight and lamenting how bad the economy is..

but well.. those months were.. quite fulfilling.. though not as satisfying as i wished it to be.. maybe because i was too choosy about my job.. i wanted a job which i enjoyed.. something meaningful, whereby i could learn something useful and not just waste my time away.. that's why i did not bother going for jobs like cashiering etc.. i felt it was not very useful.. let me think.. i went for some interviews.. got "conned" like.. twice.. i remember going around singapore with my job hunting buddy.. calling up places from the straits times.. running away from the conmen.. trying to land a job at artiste network but got rejected outright..

then i worked at venezia, where i saw the dirty linen behind the f&b business.. and how horrible bosses can be.. and how not to trust the spoons they give you cos they are reused.. and how the plates can be terribly unhygienic cos of horrible waitresses like me who refuse to wash the endless plates under the tyranny of horrible bosses like him.. haha..

i remember scouting around hotels for waitressing stints with the girls.. but as usual.. i was too lazy to travel for their interview.. and to wear the scarily tight waitressing outfits.. haha..

then there was teaching.. the crazily payed job.. wow.. i've taught at a primary sch, a secondary school, and a junior college!!! brilliant!! i guess i've learnt a lot from there.. learnt about the agony our teachers have to go through when students talk in class and do not pay attention.. when students give you crap answers when you have already flashed the answers on the board.. it was rather interesting.. and i'm sure the girls remember me recounting my violent retaliations to the irritating boy.. haha.. simply hilarious!! its totally different teaching in different settings.. as students grow.. their attitudes toward learning and toward their teachers become totally different.. i guess teaching at rulang was the most relaxing! just sit there read my storybook.. scold the kids when they get too noisy.. then at 630 dismiss them.. and poof! i get my $65!! :) ok.. i am evil.. i am so not cut out to be a teacher.. the kids under me will turn stupid and helpless.. haha..

then there was tutoring.. remember calling up endless tuition agencies.. putting up posters around my neighbourhood sneakily to avoid detection by my neighbours.. getting conned again by the first "client".. then rejecting some other ppl cos the pay simply wasn't worth it.. (oh my.. i am so money minded!!) then landing my RI sec1 boy.. yes.. who happily retrenched/fired/whatever you call it me in november.. much to my delight.. if there is anything i learn from all these teaching stints.. it is that baorong is not fit to be a teacher.

it was really interesting being in 2 different positions.. like.. when you are a waitress in venezia.. you are a slave.. the customers and the boss are the boss.. you don't really get much respect.. you get called around by the boss.. some customers treat you like you're dirt.. "you're earning MY money, you better listen to ME".. and then as a teacher, you command a different form of respect and obedience from your students.. you are THE boss.. you are THE god.. you are the know-all whom the students look up to for advice, guidance and instructions..

oh.. not forgetting my squash coaching.. interesting.. and yeah.. got conned yet again.. cos the bananaman absconded with my pay. bah. talk about being suay.

and while all these things were happening.. there was the trying to adapt to having a boyfriend in the army and not spending time with you like he used to.. it was a really tough period of adjustment.. the emotional roller coaster ride.. the confusion.. the many conflicting feelings welling up inside me.. looking back.. i really regret some of the things i did.. but i guess it didn't turn out all bad.. all that happened were trials and tribulations.. strenghtening the relationship that i cherish even more now, and resulting now in a girl who is clearer about what she wants, what to expect, what not to expect, what not to do, what to resist.. well.. actually i'd rather not think too much about it..

admidst all the hustle and bustle, there was nus medicine interview.. preparing to embark on my first stepping stone along the path of my career.. confusion once again.. is that what i really want.. weighing out all the options.. and the consequences.. telling myself if other females can do it, there is no reason why i can't. and then there was fear.. fear of not being able to cope.. fear of not being able to fit in.. fear of not being able to adapt to the hectic life of being a student once again.. fear of leaving the teen-age behind, for uni is a career path, not a "part and parcel of life" like the other stages of education.. fear of the future.. well now, some of my fears have been allayed.. the others.. only time will tell.. time is the greatest enemy.

uni is a totally new experience altogether.. different faces, different form of learning.. no uniform. no teachers to push you for deadlines. no syllabus. thick textbooks whereby it takes you 1 century to pore over 1 paragraph. all in all, a steep learning curve. having to adapt to the dfferent system of teaching in uni, as well as the different stuff you're learning.. but well.. i'm really glad to get to know the people i've known.. 3stanis, mojo peeps, squashies..

and yep..some people who left my life earlier have now found their way back to leave their footprints once more.. some people who once drifted along with me are now leaving deeper imprints.. new people have come along to walk the path with me.. and of course, there are some who have drifted further.. no matter what.. i believe everything happens for a reason.. i hope i'll not forget the lessons learnt from the owners of the different footprints..

oh yes! not forgetting.. i'm now more independent in terms of transport! yay! after burning so much money.. and time.. :) yippeee! like an adult!! :)

well.. 2005 has given me much realizations and discoveries.. and i'm looking fwd to what 2006 can bring..

have a blast on the last day of 2005, and
have a great and colourful 2006 friends! :)

__pondering* 10:17 AM :)

Sunday, December 18, 2005

hey peeps!! i know i've been absent from.. er.. *i dunno what* for many many days! heh.. been floating around in bliss.. cos i've been able to spend time with wang almost everyday!! :) what a wonderful feeling! happy happy...

i also have no idea what i've been doing.. hmmm.. let me think...
training.. even though training only takes up the morning and a little of the afternoon, my whole day's practically wasted cos i'm so unfit.. feel so shagged after training.. no energy to do anything else other than laze around in the virtual world.. heh..

and then.. shopping.. looking around for christmas prezzies.. for a nice dress to wear to the ocs comms ball.. and that took up quite a bit of time! kudos to the guy who endured the endless rounds around racks and racks of clothes and dresses and who knows what.. and of cos, for paying for that nice dress that i wore last night! :) what a sweet darling :)

and then.. let me think.. that has been my life so far! last night was the comms ball! a wonderful night of trying to act prim and proper cos we got called to sit at the vip table with the super big shots.. the programmes were super funny.. the jokes were.. ahem.. not that clean.. not that dirty either.. haha.. luckily we din kena anything embarrassing! :) it was nice to see everyone looking so shuai and pretty.. heh.. and knowing that my man has commissioned proudly as an officer! :) brilliant job dear! :)

gtg!! :) attending's pam's play tonight.. heh.. im sure she'll do great! :) catch ya peeps!! miss all of you!

__pondering* 4:13 PM :)

the frs grp after the fattening venezia yummy meal!! sorry i took to long to post it up! Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:11 PM :)

praying for world peace. heh heh heh Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:10 PM :)

the FRS group and the finger linking kfc treat!  Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:10 PM :)

pondering why the apple dropped to the ground.. Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:10 PM :)

the gorgeous lights of dhoby :) Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:10 PM :)

the shuai ges as i promised aileen :) Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:09 PM :)

look at that radiant smile! :)  Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:09 PM :)

wang and the mafia king!  Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:09 PM :)

the guys of table 11 and their dates :) Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:08 PM :)

the man :) Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:08 PM :)

me and the 3 shuai ges Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:08 PM :)

alvin/hwee/me/wang! Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 4:07 PM :)

Saturday, December 10, 2005

i am so so so absolutely proud of you! you looked so great and so.. just too heavenly to be described by words.. :)  Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 10:04 PM :)

my dearest looking so smart and suave and just extremely heart-melting.. Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 10:03 PM :)

shuai ge again!!! Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 10:01 PM :)

xin fu *~ Posted by Picasa

__pondering* 10:00 PM :)

Monday, December 05, 2005

i think that its rather inappropriate for nathan to hand the award over to fann last night.. even though i used to be a big fan of fann, and now i'm ok with her (she's so act cute now.. yikes).. i still think its an insult to other people who receive awards from nathan. compare some dear old teacher who contributed her saliva, throat, blood, sweat, tears etc etc to mould singapore's future and.. ahem ahem *cough cough* fann wong. erps. isn't it quite an insult to the teacher to be placed in the same league? maybe pm lee and sm lee's hands are more prestigious sia? i can never imagine them giving some award to some media entertainer. oh crap. i think i am gonna get sued for this post.

and.. peeps! watch da chang jing! ie jewel in the palace! that korean show! its really nice.. not your typical love flick. but a story of perserverance, of inner strength, of courage, of looking at the bright side. definitely worth your time. :)

ciao! off for.. err... that project..

__pondering* 9:44 AM :)

Sunday, December 04, 2005

wow! just popped to a few of my fellow 3stanis' blogs, and i realized that their sentences are all flowing melodiously from.. er.. some place higher up.. haha.. perfect sentences, perfect phrasing, good english, chim words, poems, lyrics, ok, its just overwhelmed by literary flair, so totally unlike mine. haha.. but what to expect of someone who has been scoring constant c5s for gp and then somehow miraculously got a2 during a's.. i am still thanking god for his/her kindness.

was reading the sports section today.. and emotional me just wanted to cry when i read the sea games reports.. i am so so so so proud of all our athletes! really really proud! they are really fantastic..! i think of all the time and effort they put in to train.. the amount of sweat, tears, the pain they went through.. the sacrifices they made.. and i think of their glorious moments.. completing their event, amidst the cheers of the supporters, emerging victorious, all the hard work put in before repaid by that proud moment. the thought of that makes me estastic, and it makes me want to hug those athletes and cry with them.. that joy can never be penned down in words.. at the same time, i think of the slump of lazy meaty bolus i am now and hang my head in shame..

3stanis! if you all are reading this... rou and i spent 2.5 hours on the phone discussing about a christmas party for us all! :) hooray! hopefully it materializes! :) yay!

its sunday today! project stuff tomorrow.. yikes. i haven't read anything about our topic yet.. i am just so totally stoned out.. just wanna cuddle with cleo and not do anything intellectual for the rest of the hols.

have to go out with the girls man! betty's so cute la.. that girl totally has a mind of her own.. i admire the courage she has to do what she wants, even if it means taking the path less trodden. when will i have the courage to pursue what i want? like my air stewardessing.. singing, acting.. i just lack the drive, the confidence, and the courage.

went out with wang's family for dinner yesterday.. at a vegetarian restaurant in quality hotel to celebrate him being the sword of honour, golden horse, and the winner of the best spitfire team.. :) i am so proud of him.. being the man of honour he is, the man with good morals, upright, trustworthy.. and yet at the same time, i can't help but wonder about the path that lies ahead for the both of us.

ok.. suddenly i'm feeling low morale.. catch you guys later.

__pondering* 9:33 AM :)

Thursday, December 01, 2005

i have no idea why i am blogging when my eyes are half closed.. but well.. i just miss blogging and reflecting on my life.. guess i have been reflecting too much on those crazy biochem anat physio stuff.. and that is so so so wrong.. life's more than anat and physio and biochem. haha..

first things first.. where's your blog bx? pls dun tell me you're back into hibernation.. i've not spoken to you for like.. centuries..

jess mich jamie hp ness betty! i miss all of you!! so much!!! i had this dream that day.. alamak.. its so funny..

jess mich and i were in some lecture theatre.. it's not a normal theatre.. its really funny lo.. we were talking about the number of hours we slept.. and then jess showed us this real cool x-ray stuff.. there was this hollow lumen, and then there are little bulbs/tumour-like stuff on the mouth of the lumen.. and jess told us the number of nodules you have represent the number of hours you slept that day.. (oh my goodness, i just realized the whole xray image looks like haemorrhoids in black and white. freaky. in all those funny 3 o'clock position etc.... aaahhh)
ya anyway back to the xray.. she said in that lt, if you stand at that specific spot and then someone press some button at the top of the lt, you'll get that x-ray-sleeping time revealing thing done and printed out.. wow.. super cool.. i'm amazed at my unconscious brain. just what kind of stupid things have i been thinking during the day??!!

then the 3 of us were teleported to some beach.. mich was suntanning (with the nice cap that i got her of cos!) and jess suddenly told us she could windsurf.. and then she dived into the sea and started swimming beautifully.. then she resurfaced and.. i dunno what happened after that.. i only knew i was so so so impressed!!

well anyway.. that dream made me realise i miss you gurls a whole BIG lot. these gurls who have been such an integral part of my life, these gurls who were with me thru ups and downs.. so sad i dun get to meet up with mich and jess and jam even though we're in nus.. bah.

on to another topic.. hmmm.. have to say again that i think life, or rather, fate is just amazing.. do you all believe everything is predestined? i dunno if this is called predestined or whatever.. but it never fails to amaze me how friends can come into your life, leave a footprint, make you realise something, learn something, then gradually fade away from your life, and then come back into your life again.. everything is simply amazing.. paths converge, diverge, converge back again.. i wonder how many people who have faded away will appear in my life once again.. i hope people in my life now won't fade away.. i love them all.

anyway, exams are over! Finally. FINALLY! i have so many things to say about exams.. but i'm too tired to continue on. i can't continue to deceive myself that what i am studying is not important, cos they are really important. nvm.. i'm gonna go crazy this hols.. haha..

have been driving around.. ie to school and back, and jurong point... driving is fun.. but dangerous too.. goodness.. i need a better sense of direction. i have no idea how to go to town from my house.. or go anywhere.. really pathetic.. and i just found out i have some paint scraped off from the car on the left side.. i'm hoping my parents won't see it.. but its impossible cos its quite a big patch. bah bah bah.. i'm gonna get my head barked off.. did i get it from the multi storey carpark yesterday??? aaaahhhhhhh.... let's pray it had been there eons ago, just that i did not see it before.. :(

jurong point is full of underaged lians. i feel so disgusted and ^$%^# by all those girls i see dancing ddr and parapara at the arcade.. please! how old are they? i bet they are only p6! and what are they wearing?! miniskirts! mini till it can barely cover their gluteus maximus. *shudder* behaving like they're some mini j-pop queen. oh my.. if my daughter turns out like that next time *choy* i dunno whether i should knock my head agst the wall for being such a bad parent, or knock her head on the wall instead. what are the parents of those girls doing?! are they oblivious to all these stuff? don't they think it is ridiculous for a girl of only 12 to dress up like she's 16, go gallivanting in the arcade.. waste money, waste time, learn bad stuff.. i'll just give these parents a good chiding if i ever see them. if you want to have kids, you jolly well parent them properly. dun ruin one small life because of your indifference and obsession with work and money. if you love money so much, just keep working and dun reproduce. irritating what excuses parents can come up with. i believe nothing can go wrong with good parenting. hate irresponsible parents. i dun think they are so dumb to think that it is normal for 12 year old girls to wear miniskirts and i dunno what kind of tops and loiter in the arcade.
oh at least these girls are not doing funny things with the underaged bengs in the arcade. hopefully they are too young to know what heyhey-ing is.

i wish i have the power to do something about it. like slam the parents' heads against the wall or something and scold them till they cry and beg for forgiveness. (gosh why am i so angsty?) lives are to be moulded. pay your kids attention man! teach them the right thing from young! guide them toward the correct path! dun let them regret what they have been doing when they finally wake up from their frolicking stupor, and by then it is too late to do anything to redeem their wasted lives.

i wonder why i am so angsty about this. it doesn't even concern me. but i guess over these years, i have realised that parenting is really important. the child's character is so so so influenced by what his parents have been exposing him to! his confidence, his outlook on life, his positivity, his attitude toward work and play, the way he interacts with others, his morality.. i remember having a long conversation with my primary school teacher about this.. aaahh, i miss her...

i hope people who are so frail from not eating (how can you not eat??!) and not sleeping during the exams will wake up and understand what kind of damage they are doing to their bodies, and do something before it is too late. it is stupid to ruin your body. what's the point of being an unhealthy doctor?

oh no.. my eyes are officially 7/8th closed. better sign off..

hopefully i'll have a better reflective entry when i regain my full consciousness in the near future.. haha..

goodnight all! and rejoice! for s,ffering is temporarily over!!!

__pondering* 3:38 PM :)