Saturday, December 31, 2005
As i was lying in bed last night, i started to reflect on the year gone past.. and i realised that it was the wrong time to do just that! it was time to sleep! heh.. so here i am..
it seemed like just a few weeks ago when i watched the first sunrise of the year atop some high korean mountain with my fellow obk people and many other koreans.. wondering what the coming year might bring.. and wow.. the year has passed fast indeed.. accelerating past me at a speed so fast i can hardly grasp the truth.
the year started out with outward bound korea.. and then a trip to london and cambridge for my interview.. i remember my joy at being able to go to a country far away.. a place teeming with angmohs instead of asians (or rather, msians..).. and yet that trip brought along with it a sense of downess.. cos afterall, it was an interview trip.. not for holidaying.. and. i was there with my mum.. ahem.. how fun can parents get ya?
after that, a long period of stagnancy ensued.. the break whereby my emotions were oscillating like a quartz clock gone horribly wrong..
when i was jobless: "i wish i can find a job.. there is nothing to do at home.. i am rotting.. i hate waking up and knowing that there is nothing on for me to do.."
when i had a job: "i wish i could sleep longer at home and laze around.. working is so tiring.. i don't enjoy it at all!"
yes.. typical human nature.. those 8 months saw me frantcally scrutinizing the classified ads on the straits times and lianhezaobao so carefully i feel like some old unemployed ahpek sitting trishaw-man styled in the kopitiam drinking beer in broad daylight and lamenting how bad the economy is..
but well.. those months were.. quite fulfilling.. though not as satisfying as i wished it to be.. maybe because i was too choosy about my job.. i wanted a job which i enjoyed.. something meaningful, whereby i could learn something useful and not just waste my time away.. that's why i did not bother going for jobs like cashiering etc.. i felt it was not very useful.. let me think.. i went for some interviews.. got "conned" like.. twice.. i remember going around singapore with my job hunting buddy.. calling up places from the straits times.. running away from the conmen.. trying to land a job at artiste network but got rejected outright..
then i worked at venezia, where i saw the dirty linen behind the f&b business.. and how horrible bosses can be.. and how not to trust the spoons they give you cos they are reused.. and how the plates can be terribly unhygienic cos of horrible waitresses like me who refuse to wash the endless plates under the tyranny of horrible bosses like him.. haha..
i remember scouting around hotels for waitressing stints with the girls.. but as usual.. i was too lazy to travel for their interview.. and to wear the scarily tight waitressing outfits.. haha..
then there was teaching.. the crazily payed job.. wow.. i've taught at a primary sch, a secondary school, and a junior college!!! brilliant!! i guess i've learnt a lot from there.. learnt about the agony our teachers have to go through when students talk in class and do not pay attention.. when students give you crap answers when you have already flashed the answers on the board.. it was rather interesting.. and i'm sure the girls remember me recounting my violent retaliations to the irritating boy.. haha.. simply hilarious!! its totally different teaching in different settings.. as students grow.. their attitudes toward learning and toward their teachers become totally different.. i guess teaching at rulang was the most relaxing! just sit there read my storybook.. scold the kids when they get too noisy.. then at 630 dismiss them.. and poof! i get my $65!! :) ok.. i am evil.. i am so not cut out to be a teacher.. the kids under me will turn stupid and helpless.. haha..
then there was tutoring.. remember calling up endless tuition agencies.. putting up posters around my neighbourhood sneakily to avoid detection by my neighbours.. getting conned again by the first "client".. then rejecting some other ppl cos the pay simply wasn't worth it.. (oh my.. i am so money minded!!) then landing my RI sec1 boy.. yes.. who happily retrenched/fired/whatever you call it me in november.. much to my delight.. if there is anything i learn from all these teaching stints.. it is that baorong is not fit to be a teacher.
it was really interesting being in 2 different positions.. like.. when you are a waitress in venezia.. you are a slave.. the customers and the boss are the boss.. you don't really get much respect.. you get called around by the boss.. some customers treat you like you're dirt.. "you're earning MY money, you better listen to ME".. and then as a teacher, you command a different form of respect and obedience from your students.. you are THE boss.. you are THE god.. you are the know-all whom the students look up to for advice, guidance and instructions..
oh.. not forgetting my squash coaching.. interesting.. and yeah.. got conned yet again.. cos the bananaman absconded with my pay. bah. talk about being suay.
and while all these things were happening.. there was the trying to adapt to having a boyfriend in the army and not spending time with you like he used to.. it was a really tough period of adjustment.. the emotional roller coaster ride.. the confusion.. the many conflicting feelings welling up inside me.. looking back.. i really regret some of the things i did.. but i guess it didn't turn out all bad.. all that happened were trials and tribulations.. strenghtening the relationship that i cherish even more now, and resulting now in a girl who is clearer about what she wants, what to expect, what not to expect, what not to do, what to resist.. well.. actually i'd rather not think too much about it..
admidst all the hustle and bustle, there was nus medicine interview.. preparing to embark on my first stepping stone along the path of my career.. confusion once again.. is that what i really want.. weighing out all the options.. and the consequences.. telling myself if other females can do it, there is no reason why i can't. and then there was fear.. fear of not being able to cope.. fear of not being able to fit in.. fear of not being able to adapt to the hectic life of being a student once again.. fear of leaving the teen-age behind, for uni is a career path, not a "part and parcel of life" like the other stages of education.. fear of the future.. well now, some of my fears have been allayed.. the others.. only time will tell.. time is the greatest enemy.
uni is a totally new experience altogether.. different faces, different form of learning.. no uniform. no teachers to push you for deadlines. no syllabus. thick textbooks whereby it takes you 1 century to pore over 1 paragraph. all in all, a steep learning curve. having to adapt to the dfferent system of teaching in uni, as well as the different stuff you're learning.. but well.. i'm really glad to get to know the people i've known.. 3stanis, mojo peeps, squashies..
and yep..some people who left my life earlier have now found their way back to leave their footprints once more.. some people who once drifted along with me are now leaving deeper imprints.. new people have come along to walk the path with me.. and of course, there are some who have drifted further.. no matter what.. i believe everything happens for a reason.. i hope i'll not forget the lessons learnt from the owners of the different footprints..
oh yes! not forgetting.. i'm now more independent in terms of transport! yay! after burning so much money.. and time.. :) yippeee! like an adult!! :)
well.. 2005 has given me much realizations and discoveries.. and i'm looking fwd to what 2006 can bring..
have a blast on the last day of 2005, and
have a great and colourful 2006 friends! :)
