_living each day*

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

just read the girls' blogs.. bx finally updated.. well.. i can really get how you feel dear.. the "fake smiles and feigned interest".. "tired of seeing whether someone can be a potential friend".. why do all these strike a deep chord in my heart?

i mentioned in some entry long ago that friends this kind of thing cannot be rushed.. ultimately you will just hang around with friends like u.. the process is gradual and eventual.. ya its true in a way.. but .. what if that never happens? what if you end up like a hermit? go for lecture.. feign smile and interest in other people's affairs.. then after school, find yourself all alone among the rest.. with no one to "call your own"? no one you can confide in? no one to talk to and hang around with, to slack around.. no one who knows you well and there's no awkwardness in the silence? sigh.. i find myself sighing sometimes.. cos i feel blended into this sea of nothingness and wholeness, and yet at the same time, i feel so stark alone, so helpless..

i want someone with me.. i want a friend.. a real good friend.. i want my friend.. why do i feel envious of people who are always hanging out together?

this takes effort.. but what kind of effort?

__pondering* 8:08 PM :)