_living each day*

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

just read the girls' blogs.. bx finally updated.. well.. i can really get how you feel dear.. the "fake smiles and feigned interest".. "tired of seeing whether someone can be a potential friend".. why do all these strike a deep chord in my heart?

i mentioned in some entry long ago that friends this kind of thing cannot be rushed.. ultimately you will just hang around with friends like u.. the process is gradual and eventual.. ya its true in a way.. but .. what if that never happens? what if you end up like a hermit? go for lecture.. feign smile and interest in other people's affairs.. then after school, find yourself all alone among the rest.. with no one to "call your own"? no one you can confide in? no one to talk to and hang around with, to slack around.. no one who knows you well and there's no awkwardness in the silence? sigh.. i find myself sighing sometimes.. cos i feel blended into this sea of nothingness and wholeness, and yet at the same time, i feel so stark alone, so helpless..

i want someone with me.. i want a friend.. a real good friend.. i want my friend.. why do i feel envious of people who are always hanging out together?

this takes effort.. but what kind of effort?

__pondering* 8:08 PM :)

Monday, August 29, 2005

random pics.. :)

__pondering* 11:26 PM :)

helloz! just received the compiled photos of the laos trip.. so thot i should add more interesting photos! :)

__pondering* 11:15 PM :)

us and the scenary/ the funny shirt/ noodi or nooch/ admidst the nice backdrop of the hotel/ eesang..why dun you want to be with me??/ oh my darling squash court (in the hotel!)/ us with the camera on top of the detergent bottle/ cosy in bed/ something's on the left../ my residential descend from the plane!/ honk and the stars/ bean and i on top of pou si hill/ us on top of the world!/ yummy yum yum!/ the fermented scorpions in the whiskey/ the laotian kids, and us of cos/ we're greedy!!/ ghost sighting!!/ beautiful waterfall!!/ tan sistas and the koung si

__pondering* 11:14 PM :)

Sunday, August 28, 2005

sigh..

__pondering* 10:48 AM :)

Saturday, August 27, 2005

did i tell u guys that whatever i spent 9 hours studying yesterday (on thurs i mean), i understood 90% during the 2 hr lecture prof voon gave today? i was so so high after the lecture cos finally things made sense.. but i was also dem pissed.. please lo.. i spent so much time trying to study it and nothing stayed in my brain.. and things could have been so much easier.. oh man.. bless me..

went out with wang today!! yay!! :) so happy to see him.. and he came to my house too!! double yay!! makes my day to be with him.. :):):) love you dear! and i swear it all over again :)

oh.. i told him about my crushes!! haha..

here they are..

my ultimate BIGGEST crush:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

*swoon* i simply simply simply adore him!!!! *melts*

and i dun even know the name of my second crush.. so sad.. searched the whole channel newsasia site for some info on their newscaster but sadly there's none.. bah. bah!! no picture!!

i fell in love with the boy on tv! haha..

ok i am sounding a little crazy.. must be cos of the cough. rattles my brain each time i cough.. my nuerons must be very nervous and traumatised now.. ok.. i m so lame my humerus bone is laughing at me.. oh.. now the humour in my eyeballs are laughing at me too! wahaha.. so humourous!!

ok i am seriously bonkers.. sorry ah.. friday is declared a "cannot study" day!

goodnight people!! having farewell dinner for the 3fers tml.. :)

__pondering* 12:27 AM :)

Thursday, August 25, 2005

watching the mtvs of the songs of "huo xia qu"and "destiny" from my sis's vcd has suddenly made me realise how i absolutely adore tay ping hui.. and of how much i miss watching programmes on the box, stress-free of course. sigh.. i wanna watch tv without feeling guilty! help me!! i wanna watch destiny again!! i am suffering from withdrawal symptom!! :( boo. aiyah.. its just tay ping hui..

oh.. and i have suddenly realised that i've got a crush on the male newcaster who hosts primetime morning on channel news asia every morning.. ( i have no choice but to sit through the prime time morning programme on the 198 bus everyday..) he is so so cute!! sophisticated and prim and intellectual, nice voice, nice smile, nice sense of humour.. great charisma.. oh man.. i just sit at my seat and melt every morning listening to him..

bah. i am gushing too much ya? that's what happens when you can't get any stupid anat stuff stuffed into your head. *puke*

__pondering* 3:25 PM :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

haven't blogged for such a long time! goodness.. school has been busy.. :( horrible.. its only the beginning and i'm not catching up with things.. wonder how things will be like for the rest of the year? am i gonna spend everyday mugging and worrying about impending things to mug? oh man.. what a sad life.. :(

my friend and i were just talking about the mugging mentality.. the probem is, people here are not vocal about their feelings..firstly, they are not brought up to voice out how they feel, secondly, even if they do, their comments will be treated with skepticism.. eg. if someone says "oh no.. i haven't mug this this this yet! how! i dunno this this this..", the first thing that comes to your mouth will be "i'm sure! u chao mugger! don't anyhow say la!" or sth to that extent.
so in the end, we keep our feelings to ourselves and worry about not catching up with our friends in terms of mugging.. so we push ourselves to mug harder and we get super stressed up.. and then our friends see us mugging so hard, and they get worried and mug even harder to "catch up", and you see your friend mugging so so hard and you get worried and mug even even harder.. and the cycle goes on and on and on until you find yourself in woodbridge. hrmph. ok la.. i'm just being a pessimist here.. but well, this kind of thing really do go on. psychology of students in uni is so fun huh? haha..

anyway, sigh.. so many people are going away.. how.. its so saddening to know that many people will not be in your proximal distance anymore.. :( selene, jeremy, jerald, edwin, edward, lindy, mingjing, sunny, shifeng, hongking, the other psc ppl.. and the list goes on.. all the best in your studies people.. enjoy the overseas scenery and people-nery while we nussers are stuck here..

i wanna read junk books like i used to.. sigh.. but well, i dun even have enough time to read my textbook.. bleh! and i'm becoming like a panda even th0ough i sleep so so sooo much every night. and now i've got a super sexy voice and a bad cough and whatnot.. physiology of my body is just screwing up la.. bah. you must know how your patient feels before you can treat them well eh? bleh.

__pondering* 4:56 PM :)

Sunday, August 14, 2005

lessons are getting a little overwhelming.. and i've got so many things to read.. my friends around me are a source of motivation, but they are also a source of stress too.. they mug real fast and real a lot! they have read guyton's and what not, anatomy and what not.. alamak.. and i've been stuck at one chapter of guyton's for.. one whole week? cos i read so so slowly i dunno why.. stress piling up man. i need to mug. i need to find my mugger instinct! bah.

perhaps its pms.. but many emotions are slowly creeping onto me and making me.. bah.

__pondering* 8:15 AM :)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

i love the nine o'clock channel 8 show! destiny!! ok, perhaps one big reason is because tay ping hui is acting in it.. all his shows are nice.. because he doesn't act in stupid shows.. goodnesss.. did you see the marriage proposal scene just now! i totally melted! melted right there on the couch.. oh my.. so so sweet and romantic!! *awwwwww* tomorrow's episode is so scary.. shen congye is totally crazy la.. i find myself wanting to bash him and slap him and kick him and arghhhhz!.. too bad he isn't a real life person.. if i meet this kind of person in real life, i would have bashed him up until he begs for mercy. crazy man. ok, i know i'm getting a little too worked up.. but that's me.. tv's my second reality.. i get super worked up when i watch shows.. haha.. but well.. happy endings!! i love it! tay ping hui rocks!!!

ok.. i just needed to vent my.. excitement and anger and whatever crazy emotions that accumulated over the period of 1 hour.. haha.. its scary what tv can do to me.. take care peeps!

__pondering* 10:02 PM :)

Monday, August 08, 2005

my gosh.. how true is this.. i'm freaked by the accuracy.. is our character determined by our birthdate!?

Your Birthdate: September 29

Your birthday on the 29th adds a tone of idealism to your nature.
You are imaginative and creative, but rather uncomfortable in the business world.
You are very aware and sensitive, with outstanding intuitive skills and analytical abilities.

The 29 reduces to 11, one of the master numbers which often produces much nervous tension.
This is the birthday of the dreamer rather than the doer.
You do, however, work very well with people.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

__pondering* 8:38 PM :)

we had jc og outing yesterday! very fun.. had starters at billy bombers.. the shake's nice! then we went lao beijing at ps to makan.. the food there's nice! :) and ya.. we just chilled.. its dem cool.. almost 3 years liao! time really flies.. we are all separating and going on our different paths.. diversely different paths.. medicine, engineering ( speaking of which, buddy, esther is going to michigan too lei! u must be really happy!), mass comm, accountancy etc etc.. and our dearest friends are going abroad so so very soon.. like this week.. good luck lindy, edward and edwin, levina too.. i'll miss you all a lot a lot.. the loyal supporters of the og.. :( boo.. i hope that when all of us meet again, we wun feel distant from each other.. and that we will not break up into cliques relating to our own profession and talk among the cliques.. no that won't happen.. :)

first day of school today!! rather fun! and it suddenly occurred to me that what i'm going to learn is finally going to be applied in the future! cytology lec was a wee bit too fast.. hope he slows down.. if not i'll really holland.. bah. well.. i got really inspired during the first aid lecture.. the first lecturer was telling us stories about how first aiders could manage to make a difference and save lives during emergency.. perhaps it was the way he put it across, but i was super overwhelmed.. like close to tears, thinking about the difference all these first aid knowledge could make.. picturing someone drowning, and then being pulled back from the brink of death, because someone had bothered to learn first aid and had stepped out to help.. ok, it was not all about first aid.. i was extrapolating the feeling of making a difference and saving a life to my future profession.. i hope i can get to make a difference and save a life soon.. what a noble thing to aspire to! i was truly truly touched and inspired..

happy birthday singapore! as a child, i never bothered about national day, except that it's a holiday.. but as i grow up and understand more about national sovereignty, i find that it is indeed remarkable that singapore has made it so far within 40 years. it's truly amazing! in these times of uncertainty, terrorism, economic downturn, rapid changes, globalisation, increased literacy and rebellism and what not, singapore has emerged a young nation, proud, developed, strong, peaceful, safe, a happy nation for all.. though some things can be improved on, but i think the government of singapore has really done a superb job! *applauds!* 40 years ago, if someone had told me singapore will be this prosperous, i would have dismissed him as wishful thinking.. but wow! poof! sacrifices have to made somehow.. a small country can't be developed, and still have spaces for ppl to experience kampong lifestyle.. so i guess these kinda places will have to be reserved for travelling.. :) national day has finally found its significance in me! :)

sore throat go away.. i miss the girls..

__pondering* 8:12 PM :)

happy yiuming and sleepy shuwan! must be thinking of james! heh..

__pondering* 8:08 PM :)

caught between the 2 eds..

__pondering* 8:08 PM :)

the pro safos scholar and me!

__pondering* 8:07 PM :)

lindy and me trying to be lammmee

__pondering* 8:07 PM :)

isotope power! wah.. in the pic it seems like i'm resting on his shoulder, but i'm not!

__pondering* 8:07 PM :)

guys looking shuai too!

__pondering* 8:06 PM :)

girls looking chio!

__pondering* 8:05 PM :)

us at lao beijing!

__pondering* 8:05 PM :)

Saturday, August 06, 2005

i got a bloody ugly looking haircut, and i failed the freaking bloody driving test. bloody hell. i feel like cursing and spouting vulgarities now. guess how many points i accumulated? a freaking FORTY. a freaking forty points when the passing grade is bloody 18. i tell you, it takes a freaking bloody professional to be able to accumulate a freaking bloody 40 points in a freaking bloody test. so in conclusion, i'm a freaking bloody pro whether i pass the test or not. i feel very shi1 tai4 today.. the tester was "debriefing".. and finally he circled that big FAILED word on the paper and i was like.. biting my lips to hold back the tears.. my vision was blur when i went down the stairs.. and at the bottom, one of the fellow testees asked if i passed.. i looked up at him, blinked, and suddenly, the floodgates just opened and i couldn't stop crying.. i have a knack for maluating myself in public nowadays. just keep doing embarrassing things.. luckily he was nice enough and didn't think i am a crybaby. sigh. sigh sigh sigh.. why why why? WHY? i didn't even know why i did some of the things i did.. freak man. normally my braking techniques ok.. i wun stop too close to any vehicle.. but today suddenly things just go wrong.. wide turning, not enough clearance, not enough safety checks.. bloody hell. my instructors never told me anything can. all my revisions are ok lo.. must make sure my instructors find fault with me every lesson, no matter how small the faults are.. the testers are so niao. freak.

look on the bright side stupid girl. this is a blessing in disguise. maybe you might meet with an accident if you drive in sept or oct, so the higher being made you fail so that you can only drive in november (!!!!) if you pass your next test.

blessing in disguise my foot! burn so much money and so much time! its horrible!

hey, po cai xiao zai you know.

... whatever.

i am just bloody upset now. so many stupid things to do today. i just feel like vegetating on the bloody couch.

__pondering* 10:09 AM :)

Monday, August 01, 2005

this is only a preview of all the photos.. for 1/5 of the photos (the rest are on the other cameras..), click here :
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8IatmzZszbMI8>

__pondering* 11:00 PM :)

view of chiang mai from the small plane of laos airways.. padi fields galore!!!

__pondering* 10:57 PM :)

buddha's footprint!

__pondering* 10:56 PM :)

hmong village.. kampong style.. laid back lifestyle.. :)

__pondering* 10:56 PM :)

cycling in the scorching heat on dirt roads

__pondering* 10:56 PM :)

halfway up our climb to where it all started.. which proved to be of humble origins :)

__pondering* 10:55 PM :)

the Magnificent Kouang Si Waterfall.. i wouldn't believe i can take this picture if i didn't really take it.. the water is refreshing.. the view is awe-inspiring..

__pondering* 10:55 PM :)

the children at the cultural centre

__pondering* 10:53 PM :)

view of mekong river and the scenic backdrop from elevated ground.. feel the relaxed vibes oozing out from the picture! and look at the sampan! simply gorgeous!

__pondering* 10:53 PM :)

the amazingly gorgeous view from a boat sailing in mekong river.. looking at the pictures makes you feel so at ease.. :)

__pondering* 10:52 PM :)

the whiskey are fermented with scorpions and snakes in whiskey village! the whiskey tastes real real potent.. 50% alcohol!! throat burning!

__pondering* 10:51 PM :)

the derelict buddha sculptures in the caves

__pondering* 10:50 PM :)

trying to act ethnic with the necklace, sash and bag :)

__pondering* 10:50 PM :)