Sunday, July 24, 2005
i was feeling rather bored, so i took out the many many diaries that ikept ever since p5.. the precious books that recorded bits and piecesof my process of growing up.. happiness, sadness, moments when ineeded to whine, to complain, to vent my frustrations, to scold, to voice out all my longings.. haha.. and i realised that i am actually quite an "emotional" person.. emotional meaning.. hmmm.. ok.. the sentimental way i guess.. haha..
some of the events that i swore i'll never forget have been unfortunately forgotten.. stuff about the sweet vivian and hilton etc and the many complaints i had about endless running sessions and COE trainings and ladder.. and exams and common tests and PBL and how i had major crushes on certain people.. haha... its hilarious when u read about all your thoughts and emotions in the past.. you know, you bare your innermost thoughts and longings and wishes.. you voice out everything you feel.. at that point in time, it was agonizing, or agonizingly sweet, or agonizingly painful.. and you had all those extreme emotions coursing through your vessels.. and when you read back about those stuff now, you just want to laugh at yourself and how childish you were in the past, and how impossible you were to have even thought about all those stuff.. hahaaa.. and now i realise that some of my motivations in squash have actually been fuelled by my never-ever-happen-in-real-life imaginations.
well and there are some things so hurtful you just want to forget them, but you never can.. part and parcel of life i suppose. first time you ever felt so hurt, and it served as a lesson against future repetitions. hatred stems from love, and i guess its only in cases ofextremeties that something can stick in your mind for so long, and the hurt can feel so real when you read about it again..
i felt so tired reliving my experiences, i only managed to read 2.5 books out of my numerous copies.. laughing at yourself now is so easy,cos you are detached from everything.. so i say, time is the worstenemy.. :)
someday, perhaps i'll look back at all i've typed today and laugh at how childish i am.. but even at childish moments, there are frequent glimpses of one's maturity of thought.
i wish i could let someone read my diary.. but that will certainly do injustice to the emotions and events recorded in it. for words are only words when read by an inexperiened mind. the true essence of things is only caught by those who have the actual experiences buried in some corner of their hearts..
