_living each day*

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

heyoz.. hmmm sorry jess, i didn't mean it that way.. that's a bad faux pas.. bah. and no, you're not struggling with things you know dear.. actually in life, i guess many things bi shang bu zu, bi xia you yu.. you're already much better off compared to a lot of ppl.. (perhaps im not the right person to tell you this, but well, for the moment, just forget who is writing this entry. grin.) the previous entry i was writing about reading my diary right? there were so many entries that i mentioned you.. things like.. "jess got xx (super high marks) for a maths while i failed.. jess is so smart!", or things like jess and michelle both got dem high for e maths and i only got xx (grazing the passing marks).. sigh.. i feel so stupid".. "successes" like these get forgotten easily, and we only tend to remember the times we fell and failed.. i bet you forgot about all these incidents.. the "aim" of my previous entry was actually to tell "everyone" that the faster you accept things and move on without bitter feelings, the more you'll find that things get better.. love you jessica dearie..

baoxin! when you come back then i let you see all the photos la!!! bet you'll drown in your own saliva lo.. heh..

and thanks for the compliments sab and jess.. :) one of my aims this year, and it is pinned up in front of me among the other aims: learn to accept compliments graciously :)

today is matric day.. bwah. the whole day was spent waiting and waiting.. booooo... i look like a ghost on my matric card la.. bah. and bought laptops for me and sis.. fujitsu one.. very nice!! can't wait to use it.. goodness, my home is cluttered with unnecessary stuff.. booo..

and tml, i'm going off to laos with sang, weili, hong king and bena until 31st!! but before that, i'm dropping by bangkok for like.. 3/4 day.. anyone, if you're reading this and want anything from bk, please sms me! =) i've got no clothes to pack.. sad. so i'm gonna be clad in t shirt and shorts.. but thai guys are not cute, so its ok! *wink* this laos trip is gonna be a *not-shopping* one.. we're gonna go trekking, visit waterfalls, temples, go cycling along the streets etc.. exciting!! i hope i get to ride on the elephant!!! *jumps*

ok.. i'm too high.. too tired liaoz.. its scary.. the end of this laos trip marks the start of a lifetime profession. am i prepared for it?

__pondering* 4:49 PM :)

Sunday, July 24, 2005

i was feeling rather bored, so i took out the many many diaries that ikept ever since p5.. the precious books that recorded bits and piecesof my process of growing up.. happiness, sadness, moments when ineeded to whine, to complain, to vent my frustrations, to scold, to voice out all my longings.. haha.. and i realised that i am actually quite an "emotional" person.. emotional meaning.. hmmm.. ok.. the sentimental way i guess.. haha..

some of the events that i swore i'll never forget have been unfortunately forgotten.. stuff about the sweet vivian and hilton etc and the many complaints i had about endless running sessions and COE trainings and ladder.. and exams and common tests and PBL and how i had major crushes on certain people.. haha... its hilarious when u read about all your thoughts and emotions in the past.. you know, you bare your innermost thoughts and longings and wishes.. you voice out everything you feel.. at that point in time, it was agonizing, or agonizingly sweet, or agonizingly painful.. and you had all those extreme emotions coursing through your vessels.. and when you read back about those stuff now, you just want to laugh at yourself and how childish you were in the past, and how impossible you were to have even thought about all those stuff.. hahaaa.. and now i realise that some of my motivations in squash have actually been fuelled by my never-ever-happen-in-real-life imaginations.

well and there are some things so hurtful you just want to forget them, but you never can.. part and parcel of life i suppose. first time you ever felt so hurt, and it served as a lesson against future repetitions. hatred stems from love, and i guess its only in cases ofextremeties that something can stick in your mind for so long, and the hurt can feel so real when you read about it again..

i felt so tired reliving my experiences, i only managed to read 2.5 books out of my numerous copies.. laughing at yourself now is so easy,cos you are detached from everything.. so i say, time is the worstenemy.. :)

someday, perhaps i'll look back at all i've typed today and laugh at how childish i am.. but even at childish moments, there are frequent glimpses of one's maturity of thought.

i wish i could let someone read my diary.. but that will certainly do injustice to the emotions and events recorded in it. for words are only words when read by an inexperiened mind. the true essence of things is only caught by those who have the actual experiences buried in some corner of their hearts..

__pondering* 9:02 PM :)

went to pam's and yihan's play yesterday! it was a very very confusing play.. the real inspector hound.. i couldn't grasp anything inside actually.. and i found myself an absolute goondu when the audience started laughing and i was there scratching my head.. bad bad bad experience.. pay and get confused.. but it was rather interesting to see a play after such a long time..the actors and actresses were good.. they put in a lot of effort.. they have been rehearsing since april! gosh..

those who went to support :)

pam and her hilarious makeup!!!

red carpet!

after that we stood at the art house for super long.. wanted to for pam but she went off for some rendezvous already.. after waiting for 1 hr plus and talking, we met hoards of rj ppl coming out from the art house.. they were there for val wong's and alvin loke's performance! so it was like a mini rj gathering.. everyone just hung ard and talked and talked.. fun!

and then yazid, yihan, wang and i headed down to some quay to take a look at the famous eskibar.. eskibar is not that cold.. i think its because there are simply too many people inside! its scary i tell you! the boss said in some interview "on weekdays, there are not enough places to sit, on weekends, there is not enough place to stand".. it was cool( pun intended)..

us inside eskibar!

baorong and yingheng were at the eskibar!

and after that we went to hooter's to check out yazid's ex gf.. she is chio..! and we walked ard and looked at that bungee thing.. wah.. its scary.. boo! the person said he could give us special rate.. so anyone! we can go next time! 3 people for 60 bucks when it should cost 90 bucks! :)

aahhh.. school is starting so so so soon.. it is scary..

and i had a very weird dream last night.. i have no idea how it could have been in my subconscious.. i was about to get married the next day, but i was really unhappy about it.. i think it was kind of a forced marriage or something.. and after pondering for really really long and being consoled by a faceless friend, and of cos crying tonnes of tears, i decided to call it off, but i couldn't reach the guy.. i dun even have his telephone number! time was running out and i was in total hysteria.. crying and crying.. i can still feel the agony.. it felt so real.. like.. spending the rest of your life, tied down by a sacred agreement with a person i can't commit to and have no feelings for.. it was like entering a dungeon with no way out in front.. and all i could do was to turn back.. but the door was slammed shut. it is really scary and sad.. i think i need to interpret this dream.. haha.. and hopefully it doesn't happen in real life..

my entries have been rather superficial lately.. well i guess that's cos i have been too "busy".. and haven't had time to reflect on things going on around me.. it always takes solitude to bring out the deepest sentiments and form conclusions and resolutions.. but well, the predominant feeling nowadays is "i'm a lucky girl".. and "everything bad might be a blessing in disguise".. and i'm really a firm believer of letting things take their natural course, no point planning and plotting.. just let time and fate decide.. do my best come what may, and let the waters of life take me on a cruise.. bumpy sections are thrills to spice up my life, while smooth sailing portions are for reflection, goal setting, and enjoyment.. wow.. i feel like a total optimist after a nightmare.. haha.

we must catch up girls! and daniel!

__pondering* 11:04 AM :)

Saturday, July 23, 2005

baoxin! if u read this, please please remember to ask me what happened to HIM at giant.. oh my goodness.. haha.. you'll laugh till u peng.. heh.. :)

the more i think about it, and as time goes by and events happen, the more i feel that everything really happens for a reason.. we might get upset.. but perhaps eventually, its for the best.. we just have to take it in our stride when unpleasant things happen, and somehow you'll find that things are actually a blessing in disguise.. like me not getting the scholarship to get to ucl.. having to stay in nus instead.. now i'm safe in singapore with no visible bomb threats, and with a great bunch of friends.. this might be an optimistic way of looking at things.. and you might say that what you believe in will subconsciously mould the way you perceive things.. but well, if it makes life easier to get by, why not? life is so short. make gay (modiification intended) while the sun shines! :)

but things are actually quite scary.. i dun wanna grow up.. i look at the m3s.. they are all so serious.. their attires are so grown up, and they pull a medium long face.. see them mug and mug and mug.. my goodness.. i dun want to lose this fun side of me.. so i'm determined not to let mugging take over my whole life.. i wanna be an all rounder in life, and not just in medicine alone.. its gonna be a hard transition and a difficult balance to maintain.. and extrapolating from what dr chan said, under different circumstances, the position of equilibrium changes acordingly.. you can go to the extreme and be safe, but really, the ideal position is to be in equilibrium..

anyway, mojo rocks!! ragging together was tiring fun.. yesterday's was brainless but tiring job.. we were supposed to stick can bits onto our watermbaoxin! if u read this, please please remember to ask me what happened to HIM at giant.. oh my goodness.. haha.. you'll laugh till u peng.. heh.. :)
mojo rocks!! ragging together was tiring fun.. yesterday's was brainless but tiring job.. we were supposed to stick can bits onto our watermelon skeleton.. it was so dirty and fatigue-inducing.. and by the end, all of us got so dem high on glue.. i sat there from afternoon till evening sniffing and sniffing.. bah. progress was ok.. that kind is shi ban gong bei type..

after that the remaining of the og went out for dinner.. and to chill out.. dinner was fun.. peppered with lots of poking and tickling and funny antics by the boys when they got tickled.. haha.. esp kelven and eugene! we were all rolling with laughter..

and we played the coin game in the dark opp esplanade.. after each round we shouted 'ntu rocks! woohoo!!" and then peeps had to do forfeit.. haha.. poo booby had to run up the steps and shout to the couples there "attention everyone! ntu tcm rocks!!!" and poor cheem had to dance ballet (ie twirl round and round and round) round the steps.. the whole scene was hilarious.. all of us were really really high on glue.. heh..

mojo's really on.. :) mon's there's lecture.. then we're going yunnan with lao da to buy books.. then its ultimate frisbee.. tues is matric day.. wed we might be kboxing.. the following tues we have flag and a treat from cheem and papabra.. then we might be having chalet at chevron from wed to fri.. while working on the rag of course.. :) saturday is rag day.. and the following week school starts officially.. our og's gonna pon the whole orientation thing i guess.. haha..

im high on life!

__pondering* 11:36 AM :)

Friday, July 22, 2005

singapore from the bird's eye view!

bing bing and i on the mrt :)

3 of us on the plane!

the girls!

2 of us again :)

my goodness.. there are too many pics and it takes too long to load.. so here's the url!

__pondering* 9:41 AM :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

hihi!! i just finished catching up on the lives of my darling girls.. its so late now! well.. make everything quick.. i shall have a more detailed entry soon!

bangkok was SUPERB!! haha.. i enjoyed all the private super hilarious conversations the 3 of us shared.. haha.. project F, project RJ.. targets, identities.. project F accelerating at exponential rate till infinity in the absence of some reactant.. haha.. our baring of souls during the airplane flights.. watching out for each other, having fun with betty's uneven luggage wheels, squeezing in tuk tuks, laughing and laughing.. shopping together.. waiting for each other, bargaining, advising each other on beauty stuff.. dressing up together.. being late together, being early together, eating that WONDERFUL buffet breakfast and talking and shitting, watching volleyball and admiring ppl's legs, spotting and staring at trans, gossiping, taking funny pictures, talking talking talking having lots of funnnn, and i still can't forget how betty shocked the plane with her exclaimation when the plane touched down.. you know changi is so high class and elegant right.. but the little cabins out at the runway are so laopok and run down they look like they're some atap houses in msia.. so when the plane landed, betty got damn shocked and starting 'screaming' "this is not singapore! this is not singapore!!!" and she woke weijie in the other seat and he got dem freaked too.. ppl in the plane were turning to look at us and wondering whether what she said was true.. worried looks on their faces.. then imagine how maluating it was when the plane cruised further and we saw the majestic building of terminal 1.. haha.. we were laughing like hell lo.. all in all.. travelling with friends is really a good experience.. :) you travel without inhibitions.. you get wild and crazy.. you try things that you dun do with your parents.. you basically have a wild fun time.. :) i love my girls..

today had relief in rj.. wanted to die la.. was sleeping while they did their mock spa.. haha.. talked to dr chan for 1 hour.. he's a very knowledgable person despite his clown actions.. talked about intellectual stuff.. like learning, knowledge, society, love, life.. he said that the ultimate purpose in life is to know yourself better.. and that humans have access to their own emotions and feelings, but we can't see ourselves from the outside, while we can see people from the outside but we have no way of knowing how they feel, so the greatest challenge is to be able to link these 2 aspects together.. to be able to see yourself from the outside by linking what you feel with what you see from others.. so in the process you get to know yourself better.. and.. love eventually becomes a kind of responsibility.. sigh.. how sad is that.. and we were watching guang liang's tong hua mtv on his labtop.. he's super funky la! i enjoy talking to him cos its really stimulating.. and we took very funny pictures.. really very funny.. haha.. shall post them soon..

after that i rushed to NUS to help in the rag.. we're making this "float" thing.. and our OG is in charge of making this mega watermelon.. its hard work trying to saw wood, drill holes, screw stuff, tie wire meshes.. but we had tonnes of fun in the process.. very fun working on that.. haha.. and then charmaine (xena), eugene (jiemei), ibrahim (papabra), shariff (booby), and me (grandma bao) went to gelare at holland v and sat there talking and chilling and having fun till 10.30.. and of cos we took very nice pictures too... :)

i've come to realise that you can't push friendships initially.. singapore is not a place where you can foster instant noodle friendships like what betty said.. so i guess this period is actually a time for you to hang around different types of people, judge for yourself whether you enjoy their company, get to know more people.. eventually, people of the "right kind" will just stick around through the years.. there's no need to make deliberate attempts to stick to this group or that group.. just be natural and you'll just belong to a group you're comfortable in i guess.. at least that's what i hope.. so for now, i'm just gonna enjoy the company of the fabulous people in my og.. fostering lasting and true friendships in a totally new aspect of life where i have no old friends with me is a daunting experience.. makes me a bit skeptical and nervous at times.. i can only tell myself to just be myself.. to let things progress naturally.. see where it leads me to.. hopefully its somewhere good with fantastic company.. i may seem crazy and wild on the outside.. but there's a huge undercurrent within me.. many emotions stirring.. i have my many insecurities.. my anxieties, my doubts, my fears.. i really wish that i'll also find true friends in my fac.. one again, time is the greatest enemy, for time is the one that contains all the answers to my questions..

jessica my dear.. i feel very sad after reading your blog.. i can understand how you feel.. sigh.. cheer up k.. nothing i say wil make you feel better, buut do try hard to think of the bright side.. life is what YOU make it to be.. if fate gives you durians, make durian shakes.. focus on things you can control, like making an effort to aquaint yourself with your new fac mates so that you wun feel so lost and depressed when school starts.. :) i know its hard to break out of your comfort zone.. but well, i believe that everything will turn out fine eventually.. being in dif facs might actually be a blessing in disguise.. only time can tell.. have faith, just like how you have faith in your religion.. but i guess in the end, all i'm trying to say is, fate has dealt you that card, its up to you to make that card a winning chip, or destroy the whole game.. jia you jessica! i love you and i want the best for you :)

__pondering* 1:10 AM :)

Friday, July 15, 2005

howdy peeps! medicamp is brilliant!!! simply brilliant!!! woohoo! i loved every minute of it.. and i owe it all to my wonderful OG mojo-jojo!! :) we're the chao zai chao pro OG which won everything!! heh heh.. (sorry i'm feeling dem high now.. lack of sleep) its a great blessing that i didn't know that a lot of ppl in the OG.. the only person whom i knew personally was gideon.. and.. surprisingly.. KELVEN was there!! (*ahem*cough cough*) he is dem cute and super funny lo!! there was this station where he was tied to the fence half naked and we had to make him up.. he just looked super chio.. heh.. (ahem, i will tell you more about it!!) the people in my OG are really super fun.. and i guess i have successfully established myself as the clown la.. (not that i want to..) goodness.. so many events happened.. writing them down in words will just take away the exhiliration and essence of the moments.. coming out with a super funny ecstasy cheer (its super hilarious lo!) and that water melon cheer.. water games, synchronized swimming.. leopard crawl tt left me quite bruised, fright night where i just laughed and laughed crazily all throughout when the ghosts tried to scare us.. and i laughed until this crying ghost couldn't take it and laughed too.. amazing race at sentosa.. stage games where i did a "pole dance" with joel and got crowned ms big gulp.. having to share a marshmallow stuck through a poky stick with another guy.. (super SDU lo!!! SDU is the sponsor for NUS btw..).. and then finding a pack of condom with accompanying aids message in the matriculation package (what is SDU thinking man.. we dun hanky panky at aloha loyang lo!) and then having to run around and find hunks and babes to take pictures with.. and this pair of ang moh gays just offered us their used condom (and i dunno why they kept them actually..) cos we needed one.. then camping out in Terrace 6 Flame of the Forest.. telling lame jokes.. gettin complained by the security.. playing that kind of lame orientation games.. all the super super outrageous forfeits... woohoo.. then the passing coin game which we played for 3 hours plus straight.. and the bidding for food where other poor OGs bid like half of their points for.. rabbit sweets!!! or... popsicles!!! imagien their chagrin! while our group is dem pro and dem lucky!! we got the ice cream! yay!

my goodnessssss.. i wanna live through that all over again.. time passes too fast when you are having so much fun.. and when you think back, you just wish that everything could just happen again.. and you have that sinking feeling that things will not be so fun again.. (which of course is not true.. fun just takes on different definitions at different events).. as usual.. i have camp withdrawal syndrome.. feel so sad to leave the company of everyone.. but no worries.. mojo will live on for years to come.. i am so so happy to know that i am spending the rest of my 5/6 years with this bunch of great people.. :) already, i can feel the bond towards med fac and NUS.. NUS flag and rag will be fun!!! woohoo! i am feeling so high now...!!!!!!!!!!

bangkok tonight! i need sleep.. and my face's a bit swollen from all the sunburn.. yay! MEDICAMP and MOJO ruLEz!!! ciao.. i need the bed! :):):)

i will make sure i post the pic of kelven! he looks so chio!

__pondering* 2:00 PM :)

Saturday, July 09, 2005

full attendance for girls outing last night!! (somehow or another la.. :) hp, bx, jess, mich, jam, ness betty, me!! all eight are there! what a nice number! we had a great dinner at a taiwanese restaurant (thanks to jess :) and we somehow managed to make the waiter all blur and exasperated with our weird orders and arrangements.. haha! the waiter is quite hilarious.. betty wanted to add pearls.. and he heard it as "you want apples?".. when we were taking pics, bx called me "miss tan".. and he took it as "is done! is done! the photo take already!" an as a result all of us were guffawing real hard.. and all of us had our mouths wide open in the pic.. ness looks like elmo!! we made earth shattering noise in the restaurant.. heh.. but you know, in a big group, you tend not to care so much about manners and decorum.. you're enjoying the company too much!!

thanks betty for all the gifts you gave us!! the aust cup and the car signs (it doesn't stick lei!).. betty's outfit was super daring yest! refreshing change from all the common dressing in sg though! her hair was all permed and "explosive".. she tied this retro looking scarf ard her head.. and wore this super super super (you gotta see it to believe it!) low cut shirt.. yes bet! you managed to hide your bad points and show off your assets! *grin* the pink rang ren yan qian yi liang.. heh~

after tt we went to orchard to meet jamie.. and decided to head to tcc to chill.. goodness.. we practically brought down the house with our noise and crazy antics.. we were climbing all over the sofa.. dear betty loves to stand on the sofa.. hee.. we took so many pictures! to view them, please visit betty's, jess' or jamie's blogs :) our conversation topic got rather interesting at some point in time.. culminating in a confession of someone's wildest fantasy.. heee.. and speculations of whether someone is gay, fantasizes abt animals, or wants to commit incest! (sorry to tt person, if you dun want me to mention, tell me and i'll remove this k!) ok la.. all in all, we went crazy and took tonnes of pics.. it was a great night which ended at 12.30, and of cos ended in hearty laughter and warmth in all our hearts. :)

i love my girls! jie meis forever! we never fail to have so much fun whenever we meet up.. its such a blessing that the distance between us did not pull us apart, but instead knitted us closer together.. a group of similar personalities would smother creativity and fun, but a congregation of many different yet accomodating personalities like ours promises endless excitement! and.. get well soon huiping!

bad news though. squash is NOT gonna be included in the 2012 olympics! this is super idiotic and irritating! :( please! squash is such a popular sport in the ang moh countries ok! include it lo! what for include football when there are the super major leagues like EPL and spanish league which are far more prestigious than the olympics? and why include bball when there is that super pro NBA? olympics can be such crap sometimes. infuriating. the next try is 2016.. and please. by that time, we will all be 30!!!! 30!!!!!! the dreams of anyone within our batch who wants to be a squash olympian is dashed. at least nicole and pamela will only be 25.. still young enough.. arghz. injustice.

just lazing around for now.. have a great day ahead! esp betty! have a great picnic!

__pondering* 9:40 AM :)

Thursday, July 07, 2005

baorong is sick! i dun understand why, but everytime i start to relief teach, i fall ill.. that time in hong kah, i lost my voice completely.. and now.. i've got a rather bad fever, and my voice's starting to get sexy and muffled.. cos my throat is sore and my nose is running a marathon.. ok i shall stop wallowing in self pity.. but peeps! next time you guys fall ill, you should try to pay attention to the onset of symptoms! its really interesting.. it comes so suddenly! like one moment i was swallowing saliva without much problem, then suddenly the next gulp felt painful.. one moment i was eating my mian happily, and the next split second, i realised my right nose is blocked, and things just spiralled downwards from there.. made me think of quorum sensing.. the viruses must have been planning an attack in my body for super long.. just buying time to prepare the troops.. :( yep.. this concludes my big discovery of the week! :)

reliefing in RJ is fun! the bad part is having to wake up at 540am every morning when i'm so accustomed to waking up at 930! bah.. it felt weird walking thru the canteen the first day.. i was thinking "i should be in uniform instead! then change later! i stick out like a sore thumb!".. met a lot of people! though i haven't met the super chio new PE teacher, and haven't had a chance to talk to the cute physics teacher! muahaha.. the school is so so so gargantuan.. i even got lost in the staff room, and sixuan was laughing at me..

the chemistry department is unbelievably funny! chee keong is very cute lo! (i'm reliefing him btw).. the note he wrote me was very funny.. esp the part about appreciating the liverpool merchandise on his table.. with a "YEAH!".. alfie is super poser lo!!! (hon lyn's reliefing him) his table got so many pictures.. he's dem cartoon in the pictures la! alfie's a great person! :) mr yeo is very personable.. very caring and nice.. mr chris tan is a nice man too.. the biggest joker has to be doctor chan!!! i used to be a little frightened of him.. but oh man! he's like the clown of the chem department! its so funny to be around him and his not-up-to-mark english.. haha.. he just can't stop diaoing me.. first thing he said when he saw me, "eh, you still with that guy or not?" wah! super hilarious! and cos we're supposed to mark chem papers.. then he kept teasing.. tellin mr yep, "look at baorong! she count until so qi jing! cannot finish then just give to her lo!".. then after that he'll tell them to "eh, dun qi fu baorong la!".. and today i told him that i told my class abt his analogy that "your parents have to come together with enough energy, and in the correct orientation in order to have you! and they need a lot of timing and luck too!" and he just laughed..
after that he was teasing the teachers about their powerpoint slides.. "aiya you all dunno how to use powerpoint ah! see? no one complain about me! i use transparency! black and transparent! how simple?....." and then teachers replied "but powerpoint nicer what.. transparency so boring.." and he actually replied "aiyah, you all dunno meh, nowadays, students are not attracted to my transparency or powerpoint.. they are just attracted to my face lo.. you know how attractive my face is not? and i was like "doctor chan!!! my hair is standing you know!! eeeyyerrrr...! and he was like "if you haven't meet your vice president first ah, i tell you ah.." then he wink wink! haha!!! goodness! "you know when i was younger.. hwah!" then he gave that act-shuai look.. haha and i demanded to see his younger picture.. heh.. i think he looks better now :) doctor chan is dem funny la.. but he's dem yong gong too.. his table is filled with chim chem books.. he's constantly upgrading himself.. reading widely abt chemistry although its not required of him.. no wonder he's a doctor! xue xi jing shen ling ren pei fu!

and its really a hilarious sight to see the chem teaching competing to see whose classes had the highest scorer.. like "quarelling" who got higher.. whose msg is highest.. which is the best so3 so1 so6 class.. compile top scorer list.. hear their excited squeals and bragging.. and like.. "wah!! so surprised that my so3X can do so well.." its like.. comparing ct results is their greatest thrill lo.. really a funny peak behind the scenes.. you never know your teachers until you see them at work naturally..

well.. talking abt my classes.. hmmm.. dunno if i'm a good teacher not.. i get my points across, but i dunno whether they find me boring.. i tell u, rjc students are a joy to teach! much better than primary school kids or those hong kah students! they are quiet (actually a little too quiet.. like talking to wall liddat..).. but at least i dun have to scream at them.. but i find myself going.. "eh, class.. talk to me leh.. i'm very bored!", or "eh class! answer me! if not i'll take away the transparency!" [still very quiet] "wah! i'm threatening the class and no one is taking any notice!" [a few chuckles.. but still no one answer the question.. bah!] i like tutorials.. cos i finish my tutorials early and then i have like.. talk cock session with them.. whereby i scare them that promos are only 10 ominous weeks away and then they start to wince.. and just told them how much easier a level chem is compared to rj chem.. just basically talk a lot of crap.. i like it cos its where the personal touch comes in.. you've got to make your class feel "open" to you.. :)

aaahhh.. everything would have been better if i was well.. :( but nevermind.. i always feel that being sick is god's way of making you cherish your health.. and now, being sick myself and going through all that ""suffering"" renews my passion for my course, makes me more determined that i want to be able to alleviate the suffering of others (hopefully).. but i detest being sick!! BOO!

wang came back yest morning.. couldn't be there to pick him up cos gotta attend assembly though my classes only start at 1105.. but spent some time with him in the afternoon.. not bad la.. he's like usual.. heh.. only 2 things to talk about! heh.. lame suff and army stuff.. bleahz.

the guy who committed suicide cos his gf dumped him is really foolish.. i pity him.. but its wrong.. he should have thought over his actions.. let his mind take control for a while.. its such a selfish act.. he's not only accountable to his gf.. he needs to think of his family too! and if he really loves his gf, why does he want to add this kind of trauma to her life? but at the same time.. i wonder.. is it true that only people who are really so deeply in love will feel like committing suicide when they're being dumped? ok.. for a fleeting moment perhaps? so maybe a criterion for measuring the depth of your love is to judge ur reaction when you break up.. if you feel like committing suicide, then you were really deeply in love.. if not.. its just another normal love huh? makes me wonder how that feeling feels like.. to ai dao si qu huo lai.. hmmm....

ok, time for youfu!! girls outing tml!!! :) yay! happy to see everyone again!!! :):):)

__pondering* 8:18 PM :)

Monday, July 04, 2005

Fairytale (Tong Hua)
-- Guang Liang

(sorry if the translation makes the song ugly..)

i've forgotten how long it's been

since the last time you told me

the story you love

i pondered for a very long time
i started to fluster
is it me? did i do something wrong?

you told me with tears brimming in your eyes
fairytales are all lies
i couldn't possibly be
your knight in shining armour

perhaps you'll never know
from the moment i had your love
the stars in my sky
started to twinkle and shine

i wish to transform into
your favourite angel in the fairytale
spread my arms wide
morph into wings
guide and protect you by your side..

please believe
believe that fairytales
are within our reach
blissful.. with happy endings

you told me with tears brimming in your eyes
fairytales are all lies
i couldn't possibly be
your knight in shining armour

perhaps you'll never know
from the moment i had your love
the stars in my sky
started to twinkle and shine

i want to transform into
your favourite angel in the fairytale
spread my arms wide
morph into wings
guide and protect you by your side..

please believe
believe that fairytales are
within our reach ..
blissful with happy endings

we'll write our ending hand in hand..

__pondering* 6:48 PM :)

cute baby winnies!

the boy and girl strolled along the beach, hand in hand, enjoying the waves lapping up the shore.
suddenly, the girl's toes felt something hard beneath the sand.
curious, they bent down and dug.
No surprise, they found an ancient teapot.
Following examples from fairytales, they rubbed the pot,
and with a blue poof of smoke, a genie appeared.

"Since you have released me, tell me what you want, and your wish will be granted!" the genie bellowed.
The girl looked at the boy and whimpered, "I want the both of us to be in love like this, till the end of the world."
The boy looked at the genie and said, "I want the world to end now."

__pondering* 1:32 PM :)

Sunday, July 03, 2005

halo peeps! so exciting to hear jess missing her flight and somehow ended up in first class lounge? lucky girl! haha..

nice day yesterday.. had tuition, then went to coach..traffic was agonizingly slow along the way, because of the ndp rehearsal at padang.. wah.. can see all the tanks, amphi vehicles.. and then you see all the army guys sitting at the top of the tanks in camou using hp.. i can imagine them messaging their friends.. "hey!! i'm sitting on top of a tank, in full battle gear, with camou on, under the hot blistering sun, and messaging you! you must feel honoured!!".. and then at raffles city there were funny policemen cordoning off many areas with barricades.. then got security checks.. i figured some big shots were there cos of the IOC thing.. wah.. tai kua zhang le ba?! and the stupidest thing i can ever do was.. u guys remember how to take 16 from cityhall? you exit from some exit and then you cross the main road over to the bus stop at raffles hotel? i wanted to do that, except that the area was swarming with policemen and barricades cos it was at the exit of the car park from westin.. i dunno what got into me.. sheer stupidity or extreme laziness that can immunize me from embarrassment.. i walked towards all the barricades, then one policeman came up to me and asked "miss, where are you going?" and stupid me actually replied "er, is it possible to cross the road from here?".. he looked at me like.. amazed.. and i actually felt nothing.. (emotional moron, bx) told me the traffic light was some distance away.. aaahhh.. it was not only after i crossed the road that i realised i had just asked a policeman if i could JAYWALK! wow!! talk about being stupid.. haha.. :)

saw auntie anna playing.. so i just went to stroke with her.. and then my "student" came.. but no more courts.. we could only watch the people play.. saw luc tai and kenneth chan playing.. and i am just mesmerized by squash all over again. they are both super good players.. so elegant and swift in court.. aahh.. i'm envious.. nice to talk to luc tai again.. he's as funny as ever.. and then my pupil and i went for a run.. and then in an attempt to be a good coach, i fixed a game for her and one of the koreans who is there every saturday.. they didn't know i'm her coach, thought im a beginner.. wanted to play with me.. so when i won the first korean, then all the korean guys lined up to play with me.. all best of 3.. wah die.. so shagged from the run.. then played 4 guys.. the last guy is good.. and fast.. and by that time i was so dead couldn't run anymore.. shots went haywire couldn't be bothered to run when he drops and stuff.. my 2nd set i was up 8-4 and i simply lost it.. haha. super lousy liao lo.. lungs bursting most of the time.. haha.. i wanna be good in squash again!! hp and bx!! let's join some club!! and mich and jess too!! then we can all train together as team mates and not rivals! i miss those days... :(

hmmm.. then after that rushed in a cab to meet mingquan for dinner.. at some lingzhi veg restaurant.. the jam was crazy la.. ordered 3 dishes.. talked.. i went crazy and ordered some funny looking curry thing, justifying that we should try interesting things.. the description said it has potatoes.. but when it came, we could only find 3 small miserable cubes of potatoes inside.. it was all filled with tempeh.. yucks! left it mostly untouched.. that dinner was ex.. dem ex.. but i had no $$.. so mq had to pay most of it.. thanks!!

then met daniel at lido.. wanted to watch initial d.. but by that time the show already started.. so we just decided to embark on a slow journey home.. waited for 45 mins for the 502 bus.. to find that it was super super crowded.. (and we found out later that behind us there's another 502 bus.. iirritating!) we talked a lot along the way.. i like talking to daniel.. :) your haircut is nice, dun worry! aaahhh.. we really talked a lot a lot.. at the void deck too.. haha.. glad that the Supreme Being gave me a friend like him.. :) jia you for tuition!

gonna go out to meet my obs instructor and 2 watchmates.. :) yay.. so glad we're still in touch with each other..

gonna relief in rj next week.. chem kinetics.. hafta mug the tutorial and SPA!! (goodness sake! i nv did any spa b4!) and the notes.. im very scared lei.. what if the classes i take are like our class? still remember that time we didn't intend to guailan our maths relief teacher.. but somehow our class managed to make him so paisei when the lesson ended.. i dunno what happened.. perhaps we already knew everything he talked about? let's hope its not retribution time! hope i can command respect as a friend and as a teacher.. and hope i know my stuff so i wun appear like a fool.. forgot my stuff liao.. :( bad.

i miss you.. come back from brunei soon.. in 1 piece and in the pink of health..
may sunday be over soon so that all your tough training will be behind you, with R&R ahead..
i'm crossing my fingers and praying hard..
come back soon!

__pondering* 11:22 AM :)