_living each day*

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Nicholas Sparks never fails to make me cry.. Every story comes to life under the touches of his pen.. I just finished bawling my eyes out over The Wedding. This book really really tugs at my heartstrings.. for the whole theme of the story is something that i can relate to so directly.. so deeply..

Though it pains me to say, I suppose our real problem has been one of innocent neglect-- mostly mine, if i'm perfectly honest. In addition to frequently placing my career above the needs of my family, I've always taken the stability of our marriage for granted. As i saw it, ours was a relationship without major problems, and Lord knows i was never the type to run around doing the little things that men like Noah did for their wives. When i thought about it--which, truthfully, wasn't often-- i reassured myself that Jane had always known what kind of man i was, and that would always be enough.

But love, I've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things do for each other every day.

Now, as i stared at the picture, all i could think of was that thirty years of innocent neglect had made my love seem like a lie, and it seemed that the bill had finally come due. We were married in name only. We hadn't made love in nearly half a year, and the few kisses we shared had little meaning for either of us. I was dying on the inside, aching for all that we'd lost, and as i stared at our wedding photograph, i hated myself for allowing it to happen.

Unrealized hopes, even small one, were always wrenching.

Yes, I decided, a man can truly change.
The events of the past year have taught me much about myself, and a few universal truths. I learned, for instance, that while wounds can be inflicted easily upon those we love, it's often much more difficult to heal them. Yet the process of healing those wounds provided the richest experience of my life, leading me to believe that while I've often overestimated what I could accomplish in a day, I had underestimated what I could do in a year. But most of all, I learned that it's possible for two people to fall in love all over again, even when there's been a lifetime of disappointment between them.

What sweet paragraphs. What tender words. I'm a hopeless romantic.

Cheer up, Jess. and Congrats B..

__pondering* 12:11 PM :)