Thursday, June 30, 2005
help.. suffering from book withdrawal syndrome.. just gobbled up Digital Fortress by Dan Brown.. ahhh. cryptology sounds very interesting.. it'd be nice to know more about it.. but yeah.. lazy me will never get down to that.. aiyah.. anything that you don't have to study for a test or exam IS interesting!! who doesn't like to discover more about the amazing things happening around or inside us? exploring things at your own pace, marvelling at the wonders of it all.. understanding it without any stress is definitely fun.. MUGGING kills it ALL.. ahh. can't believe all of us are gonna be MUGGING very soon. *shudders again* MUG MUG MUG. it takes away the joy in learning. irritating qin shi huang. invented imperial exams.. hmph. bu not his fault. exams would have appeared sooner or later. hmph.
help help.. suffering from this gaping hole within me.. an emptiness cos i've cleared the borrowed books on my table.. the agony of knowing that there're no more books left for you to devour immediately as and when you like it is horrible. feels like there's no meaning to exist anymore.. not that there's a reason to exist when i'm reading, but at least it seems so.. seems like i exist alongside the characters in the book. haha.. i think i'm exaggerating! paisei!! but i guess you guys will understand that feeling.. like what bx said.. its just like immersing urself into a drama serial and when it ends, you just wanna cry cos there's nothing else.. boo..
i think that i can be extreme sometimes.. but ya.. i can never be extreme about emotions in real life. ok, perhaps only pain. haha. i can feel intense sadness, happiness, or *movedness* when i read or watch shows, but it seems like i can't experience them in real life. perhaps its due to the lack of words to capture the allure of the moment, or the ability to know the tenderness or emotions of others around you.. i guess what touches me or makes me feel in books is the way everything seems so romantic.. whereby words paint a picture you imagine.. but in real life, there are no words.. you see things only from one perspective-- your own. you don't know how the other party feels. you can't rise from your body and take in the mesmerizing big picture.. no 2nd or 3rd perspectives to add to the experience. everything just happen. while words can capture the littlest of emotions, the tiniest details of the surroundings that create the ambience, and give you a moment to soak in the "feel" and imagine, reality can't. of course, reality wins hands down cos you really feel, but real feelings are seldom as pleasurable as those you feel when you read. ah, i guess all i'm trying to say is that i'm an emotional moron in real life. haha.
and i guess its also cos "unreal" stuff only focus on the main things.. take for example when your beloved brings you to a mountain top to gaze at stars and u finally reach the mountain top.. tv serials and books only talk about the destination.. factor in the journey and the 'unhappening' period along the journey, and also factor how you already saw some stars along the way, and the other people who unfortunately also share the earth with you.. that simply takes away the magic of the moment and kills it ya? now that i think of it, it's rather ridiculous how the innocent lead actress spirals away on the green grassy hill, so happy to be dancing under the myraid of stars when she has already seen the stars during the climb up the moutain and has predicted what she will see.. that accumulated, explosive kind of joy is only possible if she has been blindfolded.. in reality, things are diffused. not concentrated in that few magical moments when you suddenly reach the moutain top. in stories, mundane stuff are brought across in a few seconds.
oops, sorry, i have no idea why i'm writing about all the above actually. just some fei fu zhi yan.. haha.. :) ciao.
