Tuesday, May 31, 2005
when greener pastures could be a mirage
i'm scared. because i don't know what to do. and i seriously won't know how to handle it. emotional retard. that's what i am. hoards of complicated feelings tangled up in the midst of my neurones that i can never express tangibly. i don't even know what i want now. having doubts about things that used to be so clear, or actually, rather clear. i don't wanna decide on anything. don't wanna take any action. just want time to stand still.. not now, but perhaps somewhere in the distant past, or fast forward to anywhere more pleasant in the future. snippets of memories. reflections. seeing into the future.
the uncanny relationship between 2 atoms. please come closer. yes. closer. and all of a sudden. come too close and i'll push you away.
was telling huilin i wonder how working people get attached. working people are all so old, and perhaps most probably already taken. and i can't help but feel that things can get quite cold in raffles place. if you are lucky, really really lucky, you have a good unattached male colleague.. if not.. pray that you have good friends with eligible male friends to introduce to you. meeting people at clubs or pubs is totally unacceptable to me, cos in my narrow opinion, people who pick you up there are indecent. and absolutely superficial. but owells, exceptions can definitely be made. relationships have got to have time as a foundation. not a sudden outburst of infatuation or lust that can only sustain passion for the briefest of times. so how are you gonna find that kind of affection if you're immersed in work and your company doesn't have eligible guys for you to ri jiu shen qing with? yep.. so i came to a conclusion that the best time to get a boyfriend is when you are in uni. there's time for you to find out about each other, spend time together, discover life together.. its the period when things seem probable, not far away beyond your reach. jc's probably a little too young.. for changes brought about by society and the process of self discovery can prove too drastic. whereas in adult romances, people tend to rush into marriage at the slightest temptation without first discovering each other.. and when they finally do, its perhaps already too late. so.. pass the uni age and you find you're not attached, you're screwed. haha.. ok, that's warped logic i know. my vision's a little warped today, pardon me.
an image comes to my mind. a person walking along a street filled with signboards to guide the way, only that the person is blind.
