Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Miss Canada won Miss Universe! oh gosh. check out the prizes. i didn't know that they can win so many things. nearly choked on my sweet potato when they introduced the prizes. scary. diamond crown, one year supply of hair products, covergirl makeup, personalized wardrobe, revamped shoe wardrobe, jewellery and the list goes on non stop.. but why am i so not envious of that? i wonder..*guffaws* what's the point of all these prizes man? i don't give a hoot about all those gorgeous gowns and make up and so on.. being in the limelight all the time is tiring. i can just imagine "miss universe shocks universe without make-up" splashed across the headlines. i can't imagine how difficult life would be having to be prim and proper, politically correct, goody goody nice nice, beautiful, ethical, cheery all smiles, slim, elegant, poised, graceful, gentle (blah blah) simultaneously all the time..
to me, its as though miss universe is this new facade you have to embrace.. and a new mask you have to dorn that will strip you of your freedom of expression and your unique identity. ok. perhaps i'm being too biased. but i'm just against, very very against a life in constant limelight. sure, everyone have fleeting moments when they wish they can be a superstar.. but with my freedom and privacy as trade-offs, i'd rather stick to being myself. i dun wanna be under constant stress.. having to maintain your beauty all the time.. and then suffer tremendous humiliation when 20 years down the road, the media captures your flabs and proclaims it to the universe.
what do miss universes do besides posing and strutting their beautiful bodies around? ok.. humanitarian work.. but i've never heard of anything.. any difference that they have made.. can't help but feel that the humanitarian aspect of this whole miss universe competition is just an excuse to justify the existence of a competition that makes so many girls around the world dream and then get inferior (muahah). "we should have a miss universe to promote humanitarian causes". i think that's crap. anyone can do that, seriously, if they really want to. people won't listen to you just because you are miss universe.
ok, why am i being so mean.. i'm happy for miss canada. very cool. its an outlet for man and woman alike to admire and appreciate the beauty of god's creations (cliched as it sounds).. an outlet for man to fantasize and for girls to day dream and work towards, with lots of plastic surgery and botox and liposuction..
oh wells, i guess different people have different priorities in life. perhaps if i'm a little more beautiful and curvy, being crowned miss universe would be my lifelong priority. =P just a sad case of sour grapes ya? muahaha..
but anyways, i have no idea what i have been doing these few days.. time passes by in a whirl. fitful sleeping with weird dreams of me being chased by vamps and of me leading a war and winning in cos i got hold of their commander..(haha!!) restless days with overactive minds.. thinking about thinking.. wanting to go on holiday like all my lucky friends.. hide me in a jumbo box please.. aiya.. no point thinking about something that won't come true. wishing for the weeks to pass, and yet not wishing for school term to start soon and engulf my freedom and laziness. wanting to do something exciting and fun and drastic and spontaneous, something that would perhaps change my life forever.. in a good way of course. thinking and rethinking about things.. weighing the pros and cons.. trying to convince myself that what will be will be eventually, i just have to be patient and have trust in.. fate perhaps? trying to peel off the beautiful masks that i have painted onto some of my decisions and dreams and see things in their naked totality. in other words, just lazing around and not doing anything too constructive. bah.
anyways.. nice chapter from a book. here goes:
"I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt does away with it with little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.
Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already, your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it, falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.
Quicky, you make rash decisions. You dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.
The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you."
I love the last paragraph.
Adios.
