Wednesday, March 02, 2005
friday's really such a dreadful day.. even the fact that it is my last day at school does not help to ease the dread in me any little bit.. images of doom keep flashing across my mind.. looks on the faces of teachers.. the ugly marks on the fragil piece of paper that brittly holds our expectations and hopes for our future.. i imagine myself in shock.. and dumbfounded when i see my marks.. crying.. or just sinking in into that pit of silence and gloom.. i have no idea why i am feeling so paranoid.. i know i have tried my best.. but i am really afraid that my best is not enough to grant me the perfect ending.. but i've tried asking myself many times over these past few days.. what is the perfect ending? I know that for me, the 4 a's are a must.. what about GP? what about S papers? i've been telling myself that i would be happy if i can get b3 and above for GP and at least 2 merits for my s.. but if i really do get that, will i truly be happy? or will i be discontented and expect more and give myself unnecessary grief? this is really a hard period.. this is indeed a test of mental strength, as well as your guiding principles.. of course, i wish that i will get perfect scores so that i cannot wish for anything more, so that i will not be unhappy in any slightest sense, but to poke my fantasy bubble.. i have to come back down to earth.. what is the possiblity of me getting perfect score? i didn't study for maths s.. or rather, i should say i only did 3 questions for maths s.. and i only attended what? 3 maths s sessions? chem s.. haha.. though i attended chem s sessions, i did not know how to do many questions.. ok perhaps RJ chem s is hard.. i'm expecting more for chem s than for maths s.. can't compare with the f maths ppl.. :( gp.. i seriously have no idea.. my gp scores ar horrendous.. always in the narrow range of.. b4 and c5? haha.. things are just so uncertain.. u might have felt that u have done ok for this paper, but accidents do happen.. life is just so unpredictable and unexpected.. i hope that the receiving of my a levels results will be a breeze, not a blow.. and at the same time, i hope that my dear friends will get the grades that they expect to get.. afterall, happiness loves company.. there's not point in being happy selfishly when the people deear to me are not.. so i pray and wish with all the sincerity i can muster that all of us will be happy with our grades.. that consolations will not take up time which is rightfully meant for congratulations.. meanwhile, i must psycho myself.. about what i'm not too sure.. i only know i'm desperately in need of mental prep..
