_living each day*

Monday, March 14, 2005

is medicine the right path for me? thinking about the future makes me shudder. i practise escapism- not thinking about bad things till they're right in front of my nose- but nothing eases the fear and the anxiety when images of the near future find their way obstinately into my mind. perhaps its still too early to think about anything, since nothing is confirmed yet. i miss the sheltered days of the past. we were like little ships in the harbour, being polished and geared up to go out to sea. now, we're on our first journeys out into the open, the unknown, the unpredictable. some have not found their bearings, some know exactly where to go, some knew where to go but were thrown off course by unforeseen thunderstorms..
i feel as though i am on the outskirts of the bermuda triangle. knowing exactly where not to head towards, thus having this vague, perhaps not too vague, idea of where to head towards. but i can't see too far forward, the future is misty and abstract. ocassionally, the disorderly magnetic field contained within the bermuda triangle spills beyond the unclear boundary, and i lose my sense of direction. am i really so sure about everything i have been absolute about? am i up to it? am i really that tough? am i really that game? once again, i want a crystal ball.. i want to see if there are any pirates, or any black holes, or any treasure islands nearby..
at this juncture, there is no way to go but to go forward, but to think about it, in life, there's no turning backwards, for time only adds, not substracts. i wish i could lie on my ship with my head in the triangle, and my legs out of it, so that i can take a peek at what lies within, and yet save myself before i get into any danger..

__pondering* 11:44 AM :)