_living each day*

Monday, February 28, 2005

teaching has made me VERY extremely vulgar.. what the Freak man! i was just cursing and swearing all the way.. uncontrollably.. i try my best not to curse or swear.. but i really can't help it! that stupid class! what the Freak! (i'm really trying very hard to not use that f word. ) what the freak man! i can just tear up the papers and bang my head against the wall! shit them man! irritating baskets! i already told them the correct answers how many darn times!!!!! i showed them the answer on the visualizer. i read the answers to them at least 4 times.. for EACH and EVERY question! and what do i get? crap and shitty answers! they din even bother writing down the right answers! f them la! what the heck am i doing? trying so hard to make them learn. but they just keep talking! JUST KEEP TALKING!! its so HARD to keep them quiet la!! freak la! when i am scolding that person, that person actually has the audacity to laugh and continue talking!!!!!! give me that stupid kiampa face! i'm talking about many students now, not just that yan xiang person.. i hate them! i really tried my best.. repeated meself so many so many idiotic times.. they just refuse to listen. those at the back.. even those at the front. just keep talking. i go thru answers they dun care. when i pin point them and ask them if they copied, they nod their heads, when i walk over there to check.. my blood BOILS. BOILS. i feel so angry i just want to tear their papers and throw their bags out and give them two tight slaps. yes. that's the extent of my anger. i know its scary. but i can say that anyone in my position would feel that. that is how b****** the class is. i am so pissed. i still got how many idiotic piles of ws to mark! how many more years do i have to forfeit just to mark these papers which is worth nothing to them?! freak them man. FREAK.

__pondering* 4:45 PM :)

Friday, February 25, 2005

DARLINGS!!! i just heard myself on radio! i sound horrible.. cos of my sore throat.. heh.. but who cares!!! guess what? I WON TWO TICKETS TO THE INTERNATIONAL FESTIVAL OF MAGIC!!! I WON THEM!!!! WOOHOO!!! oh my god!! i am so so so so so so so super totally happy happy happy happy! i can fly to the moon and back!!!!!!!!!! so happy!!! aaahhhhh!!!! i won the MOST ex tickets summore!!! i'm beginning to really think that things are blessings in disguises!!! :) i had been trying to get the tickets so desperately!!! (ok he just called me dao4 rong.. blearghx) went to sevel eleven.. they said they dun have tix.. then called the hotline.. made a fool of myself cos i couldn't talk.. and the guy couldn't hear what i was trying to say.. i called him 3 times in one day just to confirm with siying and the rest that the $38 bucks seat in kallang theatre were worth the exorbitant price.. and then i had to call him the next day (the day before yesterday) just to give him credit card number.. and after that.. he dashed my hopes of spending a magical weekend with my wang by calling me back and telling me that there were no more tickets.. was so disappointed.. but.. owells!! tell me!! isn't all these a blessing in disguise??!! i got something better!!! :) yay!!! *jumps around and screams!!* i am going to see the magic show!!!!!! its worth 68 bucks for one head!!!! oh man!! i am over the moon!!!!!!! i wouldn't care if the venezia boss scolds me later!!! oh man!!! lalalala!!!!! happy happy happy!!!!! :) :) :) woohoo!!!.... the only thing is that i wouldn't be watching the show with wang.. cos he book in already.. sigh sigh... but nvm!! yay!!!!! :) yay!!!!!!!

__pondering* 3:47 PM :)

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

hi peeps.. i never never ever want to be a teacher! at least not in a neighbourhood school.. i think i can never complain enough.. ok.. perhaps i shall start by saying that its only the second day, and i already lost my voice.. or rather, my voice was already gone yesterday.. today, my classes kept laughing at me (in a very RUDE way) cos my voice kept squeaking and screeching.. i'm quite embarrassed, but couldn't care less.. it is horrible! terrible! death-provoking! i'm teaching predominantly normal academic and normal technical classes.. oh man.. i LOVE them to bits! literally to bits! i just wish i could tear some of the students apart! god bless! esp today.. there's this guy.. i just wished i could claw at his face and disfigure it.. wang.. u asked me to imagine a disgusting face yest and i couldn't.. well today i found one perfectly disgusting face! its disgusting not because he's ugly.. but because of that.. stupid look or smirk or arrogance or defiance or whatever you call it he wears on his face! oh man! u can't imagine it! this fat chubby fair chinese disgusting boy's face.. with that stupid smirk.. when i told him to keep quiet, he talked even louder. asked him not to laugh, he just kept laughing. told him to wipe off that stupid look from him face, and he smirked even more to me and his friends! he did so many irritating things in class! like whisper things about me to his friends right in front of my face! talk back to me, talk bad about me in a voice loud enough to be heard by me.. throwing and catching bottle caps in the middle of class.. oh man! the classes are like bunches of monkeys! worse than kindergarten kids! most of the time, i was talking to myself.. i just keep repeating the important points of the topics over and over, like over 5 times.. and in the end, they dunno anything at all! why? cos they were not listening! in a class of 30+ 40+, i can only find 3 whose eyes are on me. and when i try to ask those 3 questions, they cannot answer at all! i was so desperate! i recited the answer to them, then asked the question in exactly the same way, and they couldn't answer.. its something like.. "class, remember that the mouth digests starch using amylase".. "ok, now tell me, the mouth digests what using amylase?" .. oh man, they can tell me things like stomach, intestines.. i was on the verge of vomitting blood.. as i painstakingly write down the important things on the board, no one was listening to me.. they were talking so loudly, playing, flirting, sleeping.. there were two boys sitting right in front of me.. one boy kept saying "you're so childish!" to the other boy, and the other boy would retort "you then childish!" and this conversation went back and forth for as long as i could remember! i wanted to shout at them and tell them they are both childish! was teaching digestion, and the class just kept forcing me to say shit.. kept asking me what was faeces.. so i asked them which part of your digestive system can digest food, they replied "anus".. i went "wow! i didn't know that! maybe you can put food at your anus and digest it to let me see".. then some idiot told me that faeces is stored in your stomach when i told them a thousand times that it is stored in the rectum.. i wanted to strangle him and tell him that his faeces is in his mouth! ok i sound very vulgar.. but all these took place in my mind.. can't spew these rude stuff when i'm a teacher.. there are so many other wu nai things that took place! i tell you.. the 65 bucks are not easy.. can die. the culture there is so different! when the teacher talks, they don't listen! the teacher screams at them, they talk even louder to cover the teacher's screams.. teacher teaches things, they still talk, teacher give them homework, they don't care, then one by one put up their hands and ask u to repeat.. teacher give them answers, and repeats them so many times, they don't listen or copy, then when i collect the papers back, most of the things are either unmarked, or marked wrongly.. i dinnoe the ovaries produces sperms, and the epididymis produces eggs.. and that ovulation mean giving birth, or producing sperms! and when a girl reaches puberty, dirty blood appears and her voice breaks! tell then the answers they still can mark wrongly.. wah really can give up.. actually i already gave up.. the classes are so rowdy and recalcitrant i dun wanna bother with them anymore.. now in class, i just go about my own business.. i teach everything i have to cover in that lesson.. they want to talk, they talk, they want to listen they listen. they wanna copy down answers they copy, they dun wan to its their own business.. their future is theirs, i have no share in their joy or sorrow.. even the sec 4 classes! n levels and o levels are so near! siying and i baby sat this sec 4 class.. oh gosh.. in rg.. everyone would use whatever free time to mug and chiong homework and read.. but for them! they just sit down there and be clowns and talk! the guys will ka jiao the girls, then the girls will whine, then chase the guys round the room.. wow! some of the guys there are really flirts! keep asking "miss tan! what is your number! give me your number!".. walked past one class, then this guy shouted from in side the classroom "eh teacher! gimme your number la!" wah biang.. vomit blood.. their antics.. ok like i said, i can't stop complaining.. its really bad.. nvm.. let me talk abt something better... :)

went out with wang yesterday! well.. though we only met for like.. 2 and a half hours, i was already happy.. like wad i told the classes, time is relative.. those 8 days spent not seeing him seemed like eternity.. missed him.. miss him.. missing him.. he put on 2 kg.. so now he's "proudly" back to 52 kg!!! wow!!! *sacarstic* heh.. still lighter than me! bah.. but nvm.. hee.. two hours were short.. but to be able to feel his hand in mine made that two hours heavenly.. he gave me this little box filled with happiness quotes.. :) i was so delighted.. *grin* to my dearest little wang.. you did not just give me a little bit of happiness.. you gave me a whole heaven of it.. :)

happiness quote of the day "if you want to be happy, just be!"

bx.. i hope you find your happiness.. i would do anything i can just to give you that little bit of joy.. i wish i could be part of your joy, but most of all, i hope you find joy that is wholly yours.. jia you.. all of us are here for you.. *hugs*

__pondering* 4:26 PM :)

Sunday, February 20, 2005

relationships are complicated tony.. :)

recap.. tony said that his ABI friend told her bf.. " "I don't want you to see other girls... I don't want you to talk to other girls... I don't want you to think about other girls... You can only think about me..." she rebuked upon hearing a girl's voice in the background of the phone... "

well well.. i guess a little of that exists in every girl and guy in a relationship.. the thing to do is to find the correct balance.. i think its very stupid.. cos the more she pisses her bf off with her demands, the more her bf is gonna think of other girls! dang ju zhe mi ah.. its inevitable that girls will make demands.. but make it in a nicer way la! tony.. i think your friend is that kind who will get depressed and suicidal if she breaks up with him.. so look out for her lo..

i pity that poor guy.. yep.. well.. let me generalise a bit.. many times, girls can be unreasonable, selfish, crazy, demanding, moody, unfathomable bla bla when they are with their guy.. (i speak from personal experience.. haha).. sometimes they dun even know that that side of them exists.. haha! so so buddy.. :) gettin into a relationship is no big deal.. there's a price to pay for having someone to talk to and cuddle.. haha.. girls are ma fan creatures.. :)

__pondering* 10:38 AM :)

shagged

Saturday, February 19, 2005

hi..really shagged.. just came back from 10.5 hrs of work.. i'm quite proud to say that i've ammassed $210 of wealth in total.. haha.. haven't received my pay though.. gosh.. everytime i work, the cafe will surely be packed.. was telling wei theng i'm venezia's zhao cai mao.. *grin* more washing and scooping.. and yeah! people! i'm so proud to announce that i've tried EVERY single favour of ice-cream! yay!! woohoo!! oh man! boss wasn't around for most part of the day and i just kept eating.. now i'm coughing.. ate yoggi with my honeydew.. wow.. it really tastes great! :) heh.. and yeah.. disastrous me spoilt the cash register! wahaha.. i was zonked out and i think accidentally pressed some wrong button.. then the whole machine went bonkers! the money box couldn't open.. couldn't key things in.. heh.. wei theng called the boss.. the boss rushed down.. couldn't fix it.. in the end he had to call the supplier of that machine.. haha.. *phew* you jing wu xian.. luckily he didn't know it was me who caused the mess.. or else.. ers.. haha.. hmm.. well.. a couple of rj teachers came today.. they were discussing something.. brought back a sense of nostalgia.. sigh sigh.. felt so sad all of a sudden.. the sense of familiarity.. the life that has already been planned out for you.. (at least till u complete ur a levels).. just felt real sad.. but ya.. arleen and i tried to entertain ourselves.. were gossiping.. there were these 2 couples.. sitting down.. then suddenly one guy rushed out angrily, and the other guy was trying to stop him.. the girls seemed pretty upset.. that guy was veh agitated.. then those 2 guys disappeared from sight.. came back abt 10 mins ltr.. that guy bought a bouquet of flowers for the girl.. and the other girl was like "awwwww!!!! so sweet!! see!! he's so sweeeeeeeeeeet!!!!".. haha.. arleen and i were giggling.. and wei theng just said "hao e xin wo".. haha!! okok.. im really shagged.. nice mtg u today michelle.. btw, i met kaihan too~ haha.. nitex~

__pondering* 11:48 PM :)

Friday, February 18, 2005

oh hi girls!! bored me has successfully gobbled down the march issue of cleo! heh.. :) i'm glad none of u are so obsessed with shopping.. they feature shopoholics who spent thousands of bucks on bags shoes blah.. scary! ;( heh.. there's this article on "why i just can't say no to bad guys".. the author said she's from a premier girls' school.. i'm just wondering which one she is referring to.. hopefully not rg.. haha.. anyway.. yep.. its an issue worth getting! :) laalaalaa..

i miss squash.. i spent an hour last night reminiscing about the good old times at trainings.. sigh sigh.. different things happen and take the centre-place at different points in life.. most of the time, we are too caught up with the nitty gritty miseries and complaints to really enjoy the events that can only only happen during that period.. those things that once missed, will never happen again.. training together as a team to beat mg.. doing court sprints together.. playing 3/4.. skipping.. taking part in competitions.. teasing jon teh.. beating richard hill.. (grin).. all these things will never be the same even if all of us are back at the same place once again.. i'm thinking about what unique experience my life has to offer me right now that can never be brought back when i'm older.. i guess it'd be.. slacking.. haha.. lazing around with nothing much to do except complain.. i must must must try to convince myself to enjoy slacking.. and of course wasting my parents' money.. haha.. and i guess.. this would be some of the last few years when i can wear board shorts out without feeling like i'm an auntie in mini-skirt.. yep.. must try to enjoy.. betty.. i'm gonna miss yu.. :(

__pondering* 5:43 PM :)

oh man! and she likes tofu too! yay!! :) tofu rocks!! haha.. but she exercises so much.. bah.. and she eats rather little.. as an analogy.. i eat an ocean while she eats a pebble in the ocean.. :( no wonder i am so fat..

__pondering* 3:55 PM :)

*squeal* people people!!! jeanette aw is a vegetarian!!!!!!!! :) *jumps in excitement* yay!! found one celeb who's a vegetarian! so i'm not that weird among all u meat eaters!! heh!

__pondering* 3:49 PM :)

the exorcist

Thursday, February 17, 2005

freak! the exorcist is so so so scary.. i screamed and jumped out of my chair a couple of times.. and my heart's still pounding fast even though i watched the show half an hour ago.. bah.. wah liao.. linda blair is really talented.. the facial expressions.. and of course.. not forgetting the sounds.. its so so freaky.. the spider walk..the head turning 360 degrees coupled with the sound (which is made by bending a credit card in front of a microphone).. somehow.. reminds me of chucky.. haha.. wonder if ppl still get possessed nowadays.. ok.. i don't want to know.. scary!!! :( eeks.. this show is definitely not for the faint hearted..

but i feel like a failure.. i dunno what they are talking about.. as in.. i carn catch what they are saying.. either the accent or the volume.. so sad.. i must learn to understand all these accented conversations..

smsed pong just now.. he's wise man! haha.. (incredible right?) told me to use my head not my heart.. as long as i aim to be the best doc in my field, it doesn't matter which sch i graduated from.. cos that will not make me a better doc.. yep yep.. i understand.. the tough job's convincing myself fully.. dun wanna be a burden to my parents too.. bah..

I don't want you to give it all upAnd leave your own life collecting dust And I don't want you to feel sorry for me You never gave us a chance to be And I don't need you to be by my side To tell me that everything's alright I just wanted you to tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you So why are you running away? So why are you running away? Cause I did enough to show you that I Was willing to give and sacrifice And I was the one who was lifting you up When you thought your life had had enough And when I get close, you turn away There's nothing that I can do or say So now I need you to tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you So why are you running away? Why are you running away? Is it me, is it you Nothing that I can do To make you change your mind Is it me, is it you Nothing that I can do Is it a waste of time? Is it me, is it you Nothing that I can do To make you change your mind So why are you running away? Why are you running away?...What is it I've got to say...S o why are you running away?...To make you admit you're afraid...Why are you running away?

__pondering* 5:36 PM :)

i quit

i solemnly announce that i have quit my job at venezia.. *jumps for joy!* this saturday is my last day! i'll be working from.. 12-10.. so.. *screams* whoever wants an enormous generous helping of ice-cream better come! ok.. actually we still have hp at venezia.. so no need to look for me.. finally.. plucked up the courage to quit.. i feel like there's nothing to learn at venezia anymore.. the stingy boss definitely won't teach me how to make ice-cream.. and yeah.. i think i shall divulge the ugly secrets of the shop (i didn't say which shop..) right here.. people! please do not do not do not ever eat the toast.. because..
1) *drums roll* the gardenia bread they use is so so fresh that any fresher, you'll have to pick it from the dumps yourself! ok.. its not that bad.. if you're lucky and the bread happens to run out, you'll get fresh bread, but if not, you'll have to put up with bread from god knows how many weeks ago that has been stashed away in the fridge.. *grin*

2) yep.. and.. do not do not do not ever lick your plate or utensils sqeakily clean no matter how hungry your are, because they are being washed by people like... ME! people who are initially fine with washing, but get increasingly pissed because washing causes your back to ache and your hands to become so rough, and gettin $5/hr to wash the yucky oily sticky plates and utensils (which just keeps piling even though u just washed 5 mins ago) on top of all the other menial tasks like throwing garbage and moving ice cream and trays from the van to the shop is simply so unreasonable.. yep.. so people like me.. take the easy way out.. i must admit i'm still nice.. better standard than most coffeeshops (which just dump the cups and plates in a huge basin of soap water then rinse with clean water and proudly pronounce the plate clean).. at least i still rub the plates quite hard with the sponge.. just that i dun care whether the plate still feels oily after i wash them because there are simply so many things to do! its always me and arleen.. 2 of us having to cope.. and me doing all the washing.. blearghx. ok i shall stop complaining.. heh..

and.. their chicken pies and beef pies.. i mean.. there's really nothing to learn.. its just taking them out from some box.. then put into the microwave and then heat up.. then serve.. those pies.. i dunno how old they are too..

the tuna.. ham and cheese sandwich stuff.. hmm.. the tuna blah blah paste comes ready made in this blue plastic container.. if it finishes, it gets topped up, if it doesn't, then use until it finishes.. yep.. you get what i mean. same goes for the tomatoes and lettuces and ham.. and fruits..

well well.. i guess the fresh things there are.. ice cream? (they are made by the boss and his helper almost everyday.. ok.. its everyday.. just that the fresh ones get mixed with those left overs from the previous day.. so its still rather fresh) coffee.. well.. the coffee is not ready made.. so can trust.. waffle? the paste is ready made too.. but it runs out quite (note the word quite) fast, so its rather fresh too!

coming back to the point of not having anything else to learn.. yep.. i dun think i need to learn how to wipe tables wash dishes move trays and ic.. the ready made things.. i wun get a chance to learn how to make them.. waffle.. i agar agar know how to make.. just that my waffle comes out not that round and nice.. the bread and stuff.. aiyah! who cares man! he wun let them teach me till a few months later.. coffee.. hmm.. i know how to make tea.. and agarly how to make coffee.. the espresso and other high class stuff no.. but i'm not gonna wait for a few months to learn that. bah..

hopefully i've given everyone an insight on how to run a cafe economically! :) *wink*

__pondering* 2:11 PM :)

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

happy valentine's day all my sweeties!! ",) !! haha.. my valentine's day was total crap.. except for one thing tt happened.. in the morning.. accompanied uncle who came from KL to see some brain specialist.. he has some.. AVM meaning atrio ventricular malformation in his brain.. which is potentially dangerous.. to make things more complicated, he has got some abnormal vessels on the other side of his brain too sigh.. we went to this radiologist first.. he was with this french prof.. wah liao.. the jargon was so bad! i thot i was listening to french.. gosh.. couldn't understand anything at all.. bah.. we waited for them from.. 1000 to 130 can? doctors.. gosh.. then got referred to a neurologist.. then got referred to a neurosurgeon.. he has to undergo gamma knife operation.. a type of radiosurgery.. the whole process was so tiring.. i was still drowsy from the medicine i ate.. head was spinning.. throat was burning.. limbs were jellying.. so off.. wanted to not go to work.. so called wei theng up.. she sounded so.. flustered.. i felt so so so bad.. bx.. the devil must have whispered something to me then.. but yeah.. an angel whispered to me after that.. and i decided to tell wei theng that if they really couldn't find anyone to cover, then i'll go work.. :) and so.. yeah.. i had to go to work in the end.. bah.. eased my conscience but din ease my suffering.. haha..

every female in guthrie house had a rose with them.. wah.. i was so amused.. its like.. everywhere i looked, its the same thing.. of cos i felt a bit sad.. but owells.. like wad bet said, its the little things that count! started work at 6.. and i din get to rest at all until 1115.. had to keep scooping ic.. wiping tables.. punch things into the register.. all the dumb things la.. the ice cream ran out.. luckily and unluckily there were some spare ones in the fridge.. lucky for the customers.. unlucky for me.. those ic were like granites! hmm.. actually diamonds are the hardest right? ok.. the ice creams were like diamonds! gosh! my arms hurt like hell.. the customers were chatting.. and i could always hear them commenting "wah.. the ice cream is really hard ya?" i was sweating like hell.. but.. remembering bx's experience with the boss (how she got scolded cos she scratched her head while scooping ic), i din dare to wipe it away at all.. haha.. the queue for ic was never ending.. there was only arleen and me.. i was going crazy.. there were a few times i stood in front of the register and "zonked out".. stood there not knowing what i should do.. haha.. bah.. at 1045.. 15 mins after when we were supposed to knock off.. there were still some buggers sitting there.. and by then.. the piles in the sinks (the 2 big big squarish metallic sink) were so high.. i dreaded the washing.. and yeah.. of cos.. me being the junior one.. had to do all the dirty work la! freak! washed till the portion of shirt at my abdomen was soaked.. then still gotta wipe.. i was dying la.. the boss was happily sitting in the kitchen doing i dunno wad.. i think happily counting $$ la! hmph! i hate it lo.. exploitation! i mean.. for all this HARD work.. i only get $5 an hour? its how unfair la! i helped him earn how much money man! wah liao.. and i was thinking.. how dare he chide me on saturday "you think on saturday 2 ppl manage enough issit? +the grumpy face" when now.. on VALENTINE's day for goodness sake.. there were only TWO pathetic souls.. but nvm.. dragged my tired soul home.. and guess wad?? i found twelve gorgeous roses lying on my table.. twelve! from my sweetie in tekong!! :) u sneaky boy.. now i know why you asked for my address.. hope you are coping well in field camp.. heh.. i was so happy!! carried the roses everywhere i went.. kept smelling it.. heh.. then took many many pictures of it.. haha.. my mum thot i was mad.. :)

today.. i've got cough to add on to my list of illnesses.. haha.. hope everyone had a good valentine's day!!! :)

__pondering* 11:31 AM :)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

oh no.. i must gush again! gush gush!! so sweet.. haha.. the only mei zhong bu zu is that there's that zhi hua and mian yi.. if only those 2 can be erased away.. but owell.. you qing ren zong cheng juan shu! yay!! so nice!! [:) yay!!

poor wang has booked into scary tekong and is awaiting that seven tedious days of field camp.. i pray that everything goes well.. exchange your field rations with memories and experience.. not with mosquito bites and injuries.. jia you!! and get well soon! haha.. we pass our viruses around each other ah.. haha..

and i hope that everyone enjoys vday tml.. by right everyday should be v day (like erkang and ziwei).. but owells.. i'm still glad there's such a day scheduled in our busy lives to celebrate the greatness of love with those we love! heh.. jess.. enjoy your dinner (which the whole world knows you are gonna pay :P) with your beloved fiance.. jamie.. though ur abroad, i know his love for you transcends all distance ya? haha.. ness.. u must be thinking of your pan pan.. dunno if he's back in aust yet.. michelle.. i'm sure jega will have a fantabulous programme lined up for you right? i wonder if bx is working tml.. i think you are right?? hopefully our shifts clash.. at least i can "beach" to you abt that *ahem* who i am gonna share v day with.. and i wonder if hp's gonna spend it with her vincent.. heh.. like some candlelight dinner.. :P haha jess.. duneed to pretend to be trees and surprise me la.. got no dinner tonight heh.. we spent a magical night last night doing the things we used to do.. walking along orchard.. eating ice ball.. sitting at esplanade water front talking.. listening to the waves and watching the world go by.. that will have to last me seven terrible days.. heh..

__pondering* 8:58 PM :)

hi hi! i solemnly declare that i've got the sexiest voice in the whole world! haha.. its the *best* voice i've ever had.. the pitch of my voice changes as andwhen it wants to without me having to consciously control my larynx.. haha.. :) i think its revenge for "talking back" to my boss yesterday.. that ahem keeps accusing me of doing something that i did not do. really so idiotic.. scolded me for littering strawberry and mango ic all over the cookies and cream ic when i did not scoop any strawberry of mango ic at all the whole morning.. the first time he did that i just smiled and said sorry.. the 2nd he did that, i said it wasn't me. then he started pointing fingers at julie and wanted to scold her.. so i stood up for the both of us, and when his face started to turn blue-black, i added, "next time you dun anyhow accuse me can?!".. woah! watch his face turn from black to.. even darker black lo! haha! i was so shocked i actually said that! haha.. but it was so shuang to express my displeasure! esp since i've been renning him for so long! he just kept showing me tt qian bian face.. keeps scolding me and criticizing me.. freak lo.. would have quitted but i was thinking i shall take this as a challenge.. see how long i can take his crap.. heh.. :)

oh man.. did u guys watch huan zhu ge ge? oh my.. its so.. nice! gosh.. *gush gush gush* the wedding was so so nice! so touching!! the 3 pairs of lovebirds.. oh my.. jess and jamie! your weddings must be like that ya? must be better than that! how cool!! *gush gush*.. so sweet...! heh.. :) so nice so nice!

haha anyway.. back to reality.. i'm still stuck with a throbbing head on my neck.. a sexy voice.. a rebellious stomach that threatens to empty itself every now and then.. an impending cough.. an overly active nose.. haha.. so good! hopefully i carn talk at all tml.. see how the boss deals with me! hmph! heh..

__pondering* 3:08 PM :)

She

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I've yet to figure out the meaning of the chorus of Redundant .. There can be so many connoctations.. like.. I love you's been used too many times that it doesn't do the trick anymore.. or that he really loves her more than what "i love you" can convey.. haha who cares.. dun think the song's meant to be so deep in the first place..

Another fantabulous song.. it might be how some of us feel, or felt.. apparently, this song "saved" lots of american ppl.. haha.. at least it sounded like this from the songmeanings site.. heh..

She -- Green Day

She screams in silence
A sullen riot penetrating through her mind
Waiting for a sign to smash the silence
with the brick of self control

Are you locked up in a world
That's been planned out for you ?
Are you feeling like a social tool without use ?

Scream at me until my ears bleed
I'm taking heed just for you

She's figured out all her doubts
Were someone else's point of view
Waking up this time to smash the silence
with the brick of self control

__pondering* 11:44 PM :)

Redundant

well.. chanced upon this while looking for green day's lyrics (btw i think the title boulevard of broken dreams is real cool!!).. its interesting how the people are debating about the lyrics of this song.. somewhat like literature.. haha.. trying to figure out what the songwriter actually meant.. here's the controversial but nice song.. (you can log on to songmeanings.net to look at the "debate")

Redundant -- Green Day

We're living in repetition
Content in the same old shtick again
Now the routine's turning to contention
Like a production line going over and over and over
Roller coaster

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words

Choreographed and lack of passion
Prototypes of what we were
Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous
Taken for granted now
Now I waste it, I faked it, I ate it, now I hate it

'Cause I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough

I'm lost for words, now I cannot speak
Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice
I'm speechless and redundant
'Cause I love you's not enough I'm lost for words

__pondering* 11:26 PM :)

FREAK!!! xing sulan is a bloody freak!! she is a FREAK! how can she do that? crazy! oh my god.. i'm sorry guys.. commenting about that stupid woman in pi li huo.. channel u.. she's crazy! she is crazy.. so evil.. i hope no one so evil exists in real life. freak!

__pondering* 10:35 PM :)

Points to ponder

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

A great "quote by Dan Coats ( i don't know who he is anyway)

Character cannot be summoned at the moment of crisis if it has been squandered by years of compromise and rationalisation. The only testing ground for the heroic is the mundane. The only prepearation for that one profound decision which can change a life, or even a nation, is those hundreds of half-conscious, self-defining, seemingly insignificant decisions made in private. Habit is the daily battleground of character.

happy new year everyone.. i'm off to sad msia.. :(

__pondering* 9:07 PM :)

hey bx.. i'm guilty of apathy too.. sigh.. it is indeed true.. people say "oh my god" and then go back to their dinners.. all of us are too caught up with our daily lives.. as long as it did not happen to us, or will not have the possibility of affecting anything related to us, who cares?! for me.. it is not "who cares?".. but.. there's simply nothing i can do but to wish them well.. and feel angry at all the injustice.. must watch hotel rwanda when i get my pay..
earned 15 bucks today.. 15 miserable bucks after standing for 6 hours.. washed more dishes today than i did my entire life.. i dun find washing therapeutic, unlike bx.. i prefer to serve customers.. like.. scoop ic.. or serving plates and stuff.. i hate washing.. and yet i had to do ALL the washing.. hopefully i get "promoted" and can get some other newcomer to do all the washings next time while i prepare food.. all i do now is to wash wash wash, mop, wipe, scoop collect money.. bah.. the boss is not very friendly.. as in.. not a friendly boss la.. not that he's mean or anything.. sigh.. most of the ic were sold out today.. cookies and cream.. giandoia, tatufo.. blah blah.. sigh.. tired.. at least work took my mind off my boredom.. :( bah.. well.. at least the next time i work, i'll be gettin 5 bucks an hour.. not pathetic 2.50.. carn believe it.. i only earned like.. wad? 25 bucks after workin for 10 hours.. hard labour summore.. when a relief teacher gets wad? 65 bucks for working 5.5 hours?? a tuition teacher earns like.. wad i earn in 1.5 hours? oh crap.. i am so money minded now.. but i guess in the end, its the experience that counts.. not being poor means you get served practically all the time.. (except in squash.. u strive to serve.. heh).. this brings a whole new dimension to "serving".. serving the nation, serving the school, serving the society thru civil service.. bah.. all these concepts of service are so abstract.. what i'm doing now might be meaningless.. (i mean, anyone can do without ic.. its not life-sustaining or sth).. but at least i understand how it feels to be a *labourer*.. haha.. to be a good leader, you must be able to emphatize with those under you.. understand what they are going through.. that's how you build relationships.. relationships based on understanding.. oh man why am i getting so philosopohical.. but ya.. i'm a bad employee.. i steal ic.. haha.. as in.. the loose bits and pieces that happen to fall into the tins meant for other flavours.. haha.. yum yum.. i still have yet to try other flavours.. cos its always stupid mango that falls into some other tub.. bah.. i love money.. i love money.. i love money.. $$$$$$... haha..

__pondering* 1:20 AM :)

president's blog

Monday, February 07, 2005

hey ppl! omg! i just chanced upon a real interesting blog! haha! its really hilarious how it pokes fun at the american policies.. haha.. of cos i dun believe its written by george bush.. haha.. its site is presidentgeorgebush.blogspot.com haha.. its funny how we can call the man with the greatest power in the world, george bush "george bush" while we have to adress the big shots in singapore as Mr.. haha.. anyway.. sth from that site.. :)

Natural Gas Found on Saturn's Moon Titan

CNN reported that “scientists” have discovered Saturn’s moon Titan to be covered in Natural Gas… you know what that means. I’ve declared Saturn’s moon a threat to national security, placed it on the axis of evil and have begun preparations for a pre-emptive strike. Of course this is all just a precaution. We don’t know if the moon is actually harboring terrorists, or if it is just planning to build weapons of mass destruction – at this point we can only guess, but hell, that’s all we really need to do anyway, so prepare for Operation Titanium Freedom.I’ve already sent the U.S.S. Destroyer to Saturn before we press the United Nations this week for invasion approval, which of course they will deny, and which of course we will ignore.
(we went ahead and pre-emptively retro-fitted the U.S.S. Destroyer with a Mission Accomplished banner, just to speed up the process)Advisors and “scientists” keep insisting that Titan’s moon is uninhabitable, and an invasion would just result in massive casualties… goes to show what “scientists” know… The Middle East is damned near as uninhabitable as Saturn’s moon, but we invaded anyway and have only suffered heavy casualties… hardly massive.To be honest, my only concern is that if the planet Saturn is half as diverse as the Saturn commercials, we’re in for a hell of a hard time singling out people based on the color their skin… but we’ll find away, we’re America, we always find a way.

__pondering* 1:42 PM :)

well.. was feeling bored, so i decided to explore some of the links on jam's and jess' blog.. jess' blog mainly.. those that caught my eye were andrew fang's and dedrick's blogs.. help me put a person to the face of andrew and dedrick.. andrew's blog is really nice.. as in.. its not brainless.. there's rambling of course, but its in good english.. and its somewhat like a GP essay.. talks about the bad things.. the good things.. then gives a conclusion at the end.. haha.. well weighed and thought through conclusion at such. its just different from some other blogs.. makes one want to read more cos its so enjoyable reading it.. haha..
dedrick's blog is nice.. i didn't know he's so sentimental.. he writes beautiful poems.. i guess i know who he is writing about.. the last entry was quite long ago. guess NS took his time away.. something he wrote struck me.. "if attention is a pie that is given out to people, how big can the largest share be anyway? Maybe that's why many memories are associated with groups of people" that is so wise.. i'll never be able to come out with something so wise.. admire those people who can come out with these kind of quotable quotes.. :)
blogs are devices for people to keep in touch with others.. great for shy people who do not dare to approach others directly.. fantastic for people who cannot communicate their feelings and thoughts through verbal language.. the sad thing is.. blogs can't contain every single thing you want to express.. because it may be offensive.. and it would be blowing up totally the mask that everyone's been trying to paint, whether consciously or not.. this feeling's quite weird.. there are things you want others to know. yet at the same time you don't want them to know.. you wish you can share what you feel to someone, let that person know the real you.. and yet you are afraid of the inevitable judgement that comes along with sharing.. guess that's where a zhi ji comes in..
forgive me.. just mindless brainless rambling.. been exploring some other blogs.. random clickings.. found another nice saying.. "they say its mind over matter.. if you don't mind, then it doesn't matter" haha.. quite true..
betty dear.. its true that people do not learn to cherish until it is gone.. that struck a chord in me.. i think that's exactly what i'm doing now.. its really mean of me.. shall try to change that.. but there's this part in me that's waiting impatiently to explode.. shall try to deflate that harmlessly.. hopefully it works with work.

__pondering* 10:51 AM :)

Saturday, February 05, 2005

hey peeps! here are some pictures from korea! a bit outdated.. haha.. but ya.. hope u guys enjoy them!!! :)

__pondering* 2:38 PM :)

ji-ho on the far left with a sweet smile!!

__pondering* 2:37 PM :)

clean us after we got to finally bathe for the first time! :P on the far left in maroon is david.. beside him, ie the one with the pirate look is ji ho our dear instructor.. sth poked his eye.. sigh.. on the far right sitting is cho-to!! the super strong guy who sleeps in hammocks while hanging precariously from cliffs!!!

__pondering* 2:37 PM :)

charming david!!! guys.. u all are looking at *the* man who went on an expedition to antartica!!!

__pondering* 2:35 PM :)

3f with outward bound flags on the last day at the cmapsite

__pondering* 2:26 PM :)

the campsite with us playing frisbee!

__pondering* 2:25 PM :)

the hungry ones eating seafood at a stall in a sleepy fishing village.. while i eat air of cos.. try to spot the GIANT mussel being killed.. eewwee

__pondering* 2:25 PM :)

us at the highest point of expedition! beautiful!!

__pondering* 2:24 PM :)

look! the first sunrise of 2005 from Noinbong Peak!

__pondering* 2:23 PM :)

candid pic of me climbing rocks..

__pondering* 2:23 PM :)

3f on frozen lake along the trail! :)

__pondering* 2:22 PM :)

3f on a hike! see the snowy background?

__pondering* 2:22 PM :)

3f at the campsite! +a bit of snow!

__pondering* 2:21 PM :)

i hate love songs. quan bu dou shi pian ren de. the song writers have really good imagination. h a h a. what i cannot move when you walk into the room.. when you look in my eyes i become paralysed.. blah blah and the lies go on.. cheaterbugs.

__pondering* 2:02 PM :)

i'm so bored so bored so bored so bored so bored so bored so bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.. help me.. if only there's a job that i can do whenever i'm bored.. bah.. that sounds like the kind of bf bx n i wanted when we were in sec sch.. a bf who is there when we want him to be.. doesn't bug us when we dun wan him there.. listens to us patiently while we can do wadeva we wan to him.. haha.. think the description fits a robot.. now i wan this kind of job.. bah.. i am so so so bored.. so so so so SO bored.. bx.. its my turn today.. hows ur headache.. its qt recurring right? betta do sth abt it.. :( BORED......... BORED BORED... everyone will be out with their bf right? freak... BORED BORED BORED..... i think i shall just sit here and type the word "bored" over and over again.. help me.. help me.. get me out of boredom.. freak freak.. bored bored.. sorry this is a brainless entry.. bored bored bored.. boridy bored.. boredy bored.. freak freak.. freaking bored... bored bored bored bored bored bored.. bOrEd... bboorreedd...BOred.. BORed..BoREd.. laalaaa bored bored bored.. laalaalaaaaaaa hush hush bored bored.. what can i do?? lalalalalalaaaaaa... *bored i'm so bored damn it i'm so bored! *clap clap* bored i'm so bored damn it i'm so bored *clap clap* -repeat till u see the handsign turn to 0- ok.. i think i'm crazy.. BAH...
life loses meaning when you have nothing to do.. nothing to look forward to.. i understand it now.. i think i'm destined for the lao lu ming.. its really sad to have no more meaning in life.. can understand why ppl turn to suicide.. imagine.. all your life, you have worked hard towards this goal of earning all the money in the world.. and suddenly you become bankrupt.. or.. you put your heart and soul into loving this person such that your life revolves around him or her, and suddenly that person dies or want to break up with you.. or your family dies in some accident.. or.. i dunno.. life has no more goal.. no more meaning.. living is merely existing.. nothing much to do.. you dun feel like doing anything also.. and the mind is especially active when you have nothing much to do, the unhappy thoughts just get unleashed like a tap.. and then u feel so horrible about yourself.. and u either sink into depression or think of suicide.. but actually, depression leads to suicide too.. so either way, you are dead meat.. bwahahaha.. actually i wonder what can a psychologist do?? nobody can help that person unless he wants to help himself! psychology (the counselling part) is so subjective! a person can give all the fake answers! imagine a questionaire asking you if you have recurring thoughts of suicide or feel that life has no more meaning.. how obvious is that? of cos its trying to see whether u r suicidal! a person who doesn't want help can just lie la! oh crap whatever.. its just plain stupid..

__pondering* 10:04 AM :)

Friday, February 04, 2005

money is really hard to earn.. now i understand what they mean by "you'll never cherish money until you earn it yourself".. gosh.. 4 hours only.. that means 10 bucks.. 10 miserable bucks.. that 10 bucks is gone with 1 miserable movie.. bah.. really ah.. huiping.. now i know.. scooping ice cream is NOT that easy.. i felt like a total disaster.. ice cream keeps dropping everywhere.. esp the mango one.. it goes everywhere but into the cup.. i just keep forgetting to put the scoop in the right place-upright and in the correct orientation. when i scoop the double scoop ice cream, its even worse.. cos it's like.. gosh.. the sides of the cup are full of bits of ice cream.. the top of the ice cream looks like a tornado just blew through it.. i had to apologize to the customers la.. there was this NJ bunch.. gosh.. the ic i scooped for them looked so hilarious.. i was so paisei la.. "i'm sorry.. the ice cream looks a bit funny.." *blush blush* *bow bow* *smile smile* haha.. its very funny lo.. if i could take a pic of the ic i scooped.. think everyone will laugh la.. oh bx.. wei theng is not a guy.. haha.. she is wei ting.. haha.. she's the supervisor and had to keep telling me that there's air in my cup, its not full enough, the scoops are placed the wrong way, the sides of the cup are hideously dirty.. haha.. so malu la.. its so hard to learn a skill.. today i scooped ice cream.. did a lot of back-breaking washing.. wiped tables, served customers.. tried to operate the cashier thing.. went to the big rubbish dump to throw things.. bx.. i hope tml things will go well with u too.. i made super a lot of noise la.. noise meaning glassware and metalware dropping into the sink.. the tray toppling into the sink together with everything on it.. thankfully i din break anything.. served the wrong things to wrong customers.. bah.. its hard.. at least its working my brain.. brain's rusting.. now i know all the ic.. memorized them.. except that funny.. giandiau? and.. the funny 'tantofu" thing.. carn remember how to spell it.. bah.. they have funny food also.. carlingdunnowad.. pomodoro.. funny weird italian names la.. i was really a disaster.. couldn't understand wad the customers wanted.. but well.. made some new friends.. heh.. may from sajc.. she's so sweet and chio! heh.. got along veh well w her.. bx i'm sure u will too! she's working from 11-6 tml.. the supervisor's quite nice.. there's this filipino girl.. qt nice.. and a guy-the ic maker.. he doesn't talk, except to the phone.. qt dao.. most of the customers are ang mohs.. or high class chinese and indian.. or students from hc and nj.. haha.. its quite fun!!! tired now.. :) at least i earned 10 bucks today.. hehee.. i'm not gonna watch any more movies man.. i'm starting to feel the pinch.. my precious 10 bucks.. my precious..... (hahah..)

__pondering* 4:56 PM :)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

FREAK! xing sulan is a freak! when i saw the trailer i just screamed "freak!" she is really a freak.. gosh.. she forced yonghui to witness her kill her own parents la! freak! she is a freak! what de.. freak! what did she do to deserve this? the only wrong she did is to love this evil man.. this evil man who committed many evil sins last time because he was plain evil, but who turned over a new leaf and was forced to turn back to his old ways because his love for yonghui was so deep, he couldn't take the past grievances she was put through lying down.. oh gosh.. its this endless cycle.. he must end it by stopping his plans for vengeance la.. its really scary to live in fear all day long.. afraid that the police would be seeking your husband.. somebody is planning to kill your family.. freak.. taiwanese shows.. such tear jerkers, and soap operaish.. can't stand it.. xing sulan should die la.. disgrace to be a woman.. menace to society.. freak!

ok.. why am i getting so worked up over a tv show.. so uncalled for.. guess that's the only thing i can do now.. so bored..

psycho interview this morning went quite well.. waited for her for 1 hr.. the interview itself took only 2 hours! haha.. i'm an easy nut to crack.. when she asked anything, i'd just babble on about it.. just talk and talk and talk.. i guess one reason is that she's a girl.. and that.. she's young.. and she's so friendly! felt like she was my friend.. haha.. cos i cracked some jokes.. like.. weight problems.. blah blah.. you shuo you xiao.. and perhaps, i've got no pressure to maintain any image.. no need to pretend to be that somebody whom i am not.. i suppose PSC should want me for who i am and not for who i pretend to be.. and she's so chio la! heh.. i sound like a les.. but beautiful things and people are worth appreciating.. heh.. think the 2nd interview would be so much scarier.. but no pressure.. i'll just go in and see how they can screw me.. i think they'll find me too.. improper and informal la.. PSC requires all the solemn people.. i carn stand that. bah.

wonder how huiping is! hope her date went well!! :) vincent better spend a great birthday with her! or else all the jie meis will zai le ta! haha! hope hp's heart will lead her the right way.. you go girl!

and of cos.. jamie.. heh.. so fast.. all of us are growing up.. i bet the next one in line will be jess lo.. i'm wondering when ricky will propose.. i think it'll be on v day!! haha! hope i dun guess wrongly! what romantic things can he do man.. *dream* i'm waiting for good news! heh..

so excited about starting work.. :) training tml!! gonna earn 10 bucks tml liao! haha.. yay!!! hopefully i dun break anything.. sigh sigh.. called up so many schools today to ask if they want any relief teachers.. got turned down by all the schools.. so sad.. its good pay seriously.. and tuition.. called the tuition agencies jess introed today.. but owells.. no news still.. and there are some agencies that are freaks la.. this freaky woman.. i think she was PMSing la.. feel like screaming at her for screaming at me over the phone.. but owells.. you han yang de ren bu ying gai he ta men zhe zhong ren ji jiao.. haha.. sound so arrogant.. *slap myself*

UCL sent a mail over.. what de freak lo.. the fees are bloody ex la.. freaky la.. accomodation and school fees alone cost like.. half a million sing dollars liao la! FREAK! and accomodation is the cheapest kind liao lo.. i din count books, clothes, internet, phone bills, FOOD.. DIE la.. its really freaking ex.. i really wish i can make it big suddenly.. but its crazy la.. what job can i do now that will allow me to earn a substantial amount of money besides.. being a tai tai.. haha..

wang.. jia you.. i'll always be here if you need me..

__pondering* 11:04 PM :)