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Sunday, December 26, 2004

hi peeps! i'm at changi airport now! :) checked in already.. using the free internet access.. well.. its kinda exciting.. although i did't feel all that excited this morning.. really gonna miss my wang.. and everyone around.. parents, sister.. gosh.. i still can't believe it.. i'm going to korea! winter expedition! its just unbelievable.. yeah... long flight.. -6 degrees.. :) many clothes.. its jsut amazing.. i'm so glad i've got all my friends with me.. sang sang, bena, weili, andy, and many many more! its gonna be fun.. don't worry dear.. i'll take care of myself.. i promise.. i'll come back with my nose still functioning.. heh.. :) 10 days.. :) exciting..

it was quite sad at the departure gate just now.. well.. just see my sis and mum and dad, and of cos wang waving to me.. i just felt.. if 10 days was already like that.. what if i really do get to have the privilege of going abroad to study? it'd be worse.. i think my mum will be stuck to me for 1 whole month.. my sis too.. and sigh.. many other things.. but well.. i'll worry about that when the time comes.. right now.. i'll jsut have to worry about keeping myself warm and take care of everyone around me too!

happy 2005 everybody! i won't have the chance to wish all of you that.. :) hope all your dreams come true! i'll be thinking of you guys in korea! :)

__pondering* 10:39 PM :)

Monday, December 20, 2004

well.. i had many thoughts yesterday..

i finally understood the whole meaning of " it's impossible for 2 people to get anywhere together when they start out with two different aims". . or perhaps, when their aims are different but are not parallel to each other in any slightest bit.. this was something abstract, kind of hard for me to grasp fully, for i naively thought that in the end, everything will work out fine.. yep.. in the end, everything might work out fine, because of compromise.. the stronger party compromises, because the weaker party has no more chip to play with, no way to go.. :) thanks for compromising, wang :)

its easy to feel alone even though you are in a big group.. i can learn to adapt.. to change myself so that i don't feel alone anymore, or adapt to the loneliness.. ok.. think i'm making matters sound a little too grave.. haha.. but ya.. my way of adapting to loneliness- think. think about anything and nothing. find something to amuse yourself with, while all the time, wishing that some divine power would let you just disappear and no one would notice. well, i can try to change, but i dunno how to.. owells..told myself i will just be myself.. yep.. and in the end.. i dunno if that was who i was.. that girl sitting there smiling at anything.. reading some unknown book.. in the end, i guess that person was me.. yep.. just another side of me..

MVP valentine is so nice.. sigh.. i'm crying all over again.. why..

__pondering* 10:56 AM :)

Sunday, December 19, 2004

i am PMSing.. darn.. i just feel so so so pissed all of a sudden its amazing how my hormones can exert their efffect so suddenly.. i need to learn to let go.. to accept.. to not set my expectations so high.. to stand my ground.. to have my own mind.. to think less about some things and to think more about others.. yeah.. so many things to learn.. how am i gonna learn them all?? irritating. it sucks. yeah.. here i go again.. "sucks sucks sucks".. that's all i know.. irritating.. irritating.. its crazy how i get irritated over small things.. i am really crazy. oh whatever.. just let me be crazy.

__pondering* 9:11 AM :)

Friday, December 17, 2004

sigh.. watched a few episodes of MVP.. the part where xiao xi chose tai zi instead of chengfeng.. sigh.. and i cried.. such naive little me.. still so easily fooled, and touched, by the romance stories on tv.. when on earth will exist such sweet and tragic stories? they don't seem to need to study, no other worries, just basketball, and love, and lots of freedom.. cheaterbugs. i hate these cheaterbugs, but stupid me is still so happy to allow them to bring me into their fantasy world..

__pondering* 3:43 PM :)

Thursday, December 16, 2004

sigh.. i've got so many comments to make.. but i guess, many things just shouldn't be said on blogs.. but are only reserved for the ears of those you trust. cruised through jamie's, jess', baoxin's and huiping's blogs.. haha jamie and jess has got their wish list.. well i'm sorry girls.. i'm not that financially capable to give you anything you wish for.. thousand apologies for that! :) my wish list is simple.. i've got no pressing needs, except that everyone in my family, and my extended family, and of course everyone around me remains, and become healthy.. if there's anything i've learnt, its that nothing is as precious as your health.. the more you are exposed to illnesses, the more you realise the vulnerability of mankind, and the unpredictability of life.. i wish i had the capacity to help the world, but at the same time, i know my own limits.

holidays are quite boring.. but well, thinking of the next 6 years of intensive mugging forces me to cherish this break even more.. i've wished for this for so long, and yet now.. bleahs.. looked through classified ads for a job, but seems like everything requires experience.. sigh sigh.. wanna earn my own money, and buy things with my own money.. don't wanna spend my parents' money now when i know that i'll be spending tonnes of them in the near future..

just overwhelmed by a.. ******* feeling.. i dunno what is that.. but it just makes you down.. whatever..

shall just indulge in my phantom of the opera..

__pondering* 10:33 AM :)

Sunday, December 05, 2004

guys just don't understand that for girls, prom includes not only the gown.. but also the shoes bag earrings necklaces and the misc stuff.. or do they?

i'm quite proud of myself. besides my top and skirt, everything else on me is borrowed.. haha.. brilliant. i hope jess wins tonight.. i pray with all my heart that she'll be confident and just be herself on stage tonight. its not just the title.. i just want my friend to find the confidence that belongs to her. jia you jess! i'm behind you all the way! love ya!

carn wait to see all the chiobus tonight.. jess mich jamie bena ee sang selene huilin.. basically everybody! wad a glam night! and i wanna see qian li's guan gong lian~ haha.. exciting! though i hate all the dolling up.. arhx..

__pondering* 1:06 PM :)

Saturday, December 04, 2004

hey hey!! exams are finally over.. couldn't bring myself to blog.. cos there are just so many things.. so many things happened.. right now.. i'm just fretting over grad nite tml.. cos i haben gotten everything.. for a start.. i only got my outfit yesterday.. haha.. gonna die la.. gonna be the most casual one there..
its just amazing.. how you were stuck in that mud and now ur out of it.. it was suffocating inside.. and now i'm free! :) its just amazing.. and once in a while.. my mind will wander off to when i receive my acceptance letter from cambridge.. and then i'll get so excited my hearts pumps at supersonic speed.. haha i wish that dream will come true.. but well.. its a long shot.. just hope for the best..
holidays can be quite boring.. i wish i can get a good job soon.. earn my own money.. and then i can buy the things that i want to buy instead of spending my parent's money all the time.. feel so bad doing that..
thinking back.. studying in school was very fun.. gettin the aunties to open the ts.. us spraying fire extinguisher in john's room and then had to clean up the white powdery sticky carbon dioxide cum some other chemical that settled after that.. how we rearranged john's ts, hiding his stuff everywhere and turned his whole ts upside down.. and then the rest conspired and turned our ts upside down.. i wonder if that smiley face that is made from all the mini tables from the chairs is still there.. i remember how kaihan would fight with us for the graffiti table.. he foolishly reached school at 630am to kope that table la! haha! hilarious~ how chetan and the gang of hockey boys showed us that funny push your hand against the door stunt.. how they tried to scare us by hiding in the shadows.. how yh was tryin to catch the rats in the council room while azi and i were screaming non stop.. how the rat committed suicide by plopping into the big drain when we released it.. and how chetan thot the 2nd rat spoke to him when he released it.. haha.. the exciting things that happened are too many to list.. i'll never forget them.. i guess.. nothing like that would happen again.. sometimes.. things just happen spontaneously.. haha.. gonna miss everyone..
rj has taught me many things.. i personally feel that my time in rj was much more enjoyable than that in rg.. perhaps.. i was more squash centred then.. but now i'm more involved in school life.. school is what you make out of it.. i'm glad i got to know all my friends.. they're fantabulous! life is just.. wonderful now.. :)
but at the same time.. its quite.. hmmm.. dunno wad to say.. its like.. u suddenly grew up overnight.. you're no longer a student.. like.. "wow! i'm an adult now! no more uniforms!".. not quite accustomed to that mindset yet.. like wad wang said.. from now onwards.. things will be career oriented.. its quite scary.. the stresses of being an adult are going to pile on us soon.. as much as i don't want to enter adulthood.. its inevitable.. scary scary.. every step we take.. its gonna be important for our future.. really hate that feelin.. you gotta think before you make any decision.. bleahz..
but well.. no choice..
i read dave pelzer's trilogy.. i felt so drawn into the story.. my heart went out to him as i tried to grasp what he must had felt.. the mind is so mysterious.. its capable of making, and breaking you.. its just amazing how he was able to break out of his monsters and live the way he does.. i admire his determination and perserverance.. don't think i'd have survived if i were him.. heh.. its amazing.. how he could forgive.. and love.. the human spirit is strong indeed.. but only if the mind wants it to be..
wanna meet everyone soon~ love you guys! :)

__pondering* 10:38 AM :)