. t h e . g i r l .
baorong
21
happy to be around people who care
blessed to love and be loved
yearning to grow

. p e o p l e . w h o . m a t t e r .

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Monday, October 04, 2004

i am tired. tired of trying to be strong. not going to put on that mask anymore. deep down inside, i feel like collasping. i feel like blaming everyone else for all these. but i know i am the only one to blame. i am not smart enough. i hate it. btw, great news for everyone. baorong's GP score: 54.5. yes, 54.5. a lousy score. and yeah, she's not ashamed of announcing it on the blog. so all of you out there. STOP saying that baorong is smart. FOR GOODNESS SAKE. SHE IS NOT. you want evidence? This IS evidence. ask me about my prelim grades. and then laugh. HAHAHA.. finally. baorong got lower than me. HAHAHA. GREAT. why.. why.. why??? got it back today.. tears just welled up when i saw my marks. told myself not to cry. i cannot cry.. but tears just started rolling down.. uncontrollably. told myself to stop. and i think i managed to hold back the tears for a while. lecture. honk came to sit beside me. and i bursted out.. this time it was really uncontrollable. cried quite loudly. couldn't stop. went out of lecture theatre. cried for quite a while with wang.. why?? why can't i just score in this subject? why? what's wrong? what can i do? i tried to do something. i really tried. but i didn't have the time to spend so much time on it cos i was screwed for other things too. i don't know what to do now. I HATE GP. I HATE THIS KIND OF EDUCATION. i dun see what's the use of studying all these dumb things. its just plain STUPID. STUPID. oh heck it. i'm just plain dumb. there's nothing much i can do about it. GOD, IF YOU EXIST, I DARE YOU TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP ME. cos i can't seem to help myself anymore. i hate myself. stupid girl. dumb girl. stop being so weak. you're disgracing yourself. look on the bright side. yeah right.

__pondering* 8:15 PM :)