Thursday, August 05, 2004
sigh.. i know 'sigh' is not a very good word to start a blog with.. but i've got no other words to describe what i'm feeling. suddenly.. i feel so small in this world.. among all the rising stars.. the risen stars.. the potential stars.. i feel as if the world is going to swallow me whole.. cruelly.. watch me fall.. as if there is no place for me at all.. university application is so daunting.. and thinking of the future makes me quiver inside out.. the competition, the personal statement, the teacher's recommendations.. the interviews, the written tests.. the research.. the unpredictable A level grades.. i'm really worried.. but i'm not helping myself.. have not started studying yet. gosh.. what a sad case i am.. sigh..
went running with bena and sang today.. and shane joined us as we walked our final round.. we were talking crap.. shining his LED around.. and we stopped to gaze at stars.. traced out scorpio and some triangle.. discussed about where was the best place to look at stars.. and it suddenly occurred to me that it is defintely these times that i'll remember, and not time spent in the lecture copying lecture notes or during tutorials marking endless tutorials.. and i really understand what the seniors mean when they say that you decide whether you have a social life or not.. this is so true.. i could have gone home to mug mug mug.. but i didn't.. even though this is a weird time to do these kind of slack things.. it is strangely the time when i actually feel alive.. sigh.. many things in my mind.. i'm growing up so fast.. or should i say i'm being forced to grow up so fast.. at a pace that i'm not confortable with.. its scary... peter pan syndrome..
feelin in a mean mood currently.. very mean mood.. shucks.
played soccer today.. quite fun.. tml i'm posing in the soccer pitch for the inter class games.. hope i'll contribute something and not cause the downfall of the team.. actually i can understand why guys like to play soccer.. its rather entertaining.. just that my toes hurt a little.. but its ok..
sometimes you just dun cherish what you already have..
sometimes you are just too greedy..
sometimes you wish for many things in life.. and yet you are thankful that they do not exist.. like a magic crystal ball that foresees the future.. and having a back button in life..
sometimes you just want everything
and sometimes you just want nothing
sometimes you want to be ordinary
sometimes you want to stand out
sometimes you show that you want to be all alone
although all you want is for someone to stick around
sometimes you dun feel like smiling
but you still have to force yourself to smile
sometimes you just wanna be mean
but just can't bring yourself to be
sometimes you just wanna say the truth
and after saying, hope that the truth has never been said
sometimes you feel shi*t
but sometimes you feel that you are the best in the world
sometimes you get upset about something that means so much to you
and wish that it hadn't meant so much
sometimes you feel lost in the crowd
and just wish that you are the sole existence in the world
sometimes you just wish you can blend into the crowd
sometimes you wish you have everything
but in the end.. it doesn't even matter..
