Saturday, August 14, 2004
bathing was agonizing.. reached home not long ago.. mugged in school till 10+.. and i guess i was the last person to leave the canteen~ haha.. played bball with the guys today.. just pose there but somehow i tripped across yh and fell.. grazed my both palm a little.. and can see a bit of my raw yellow (with a little blood stain) meat on my right palm.. looks not so serious.. but it hurt like hell when i tried to bath and scrub my body and wash my hair.. :( but haha.. wun die.. duh~ was a little.. traumatised when i fell.. cos i have not fell and injured myself for so long.. at least in squash.. i dun fall and even i do.. my skin doesn't get scrapped off.. haha.. (that's the reason why i dun like bball.. afraid of being tackled and fallin down and spraining my weak ankles which have been sprained for over 10 times in the last few years).. but yeah.. i realised that many times.. its not just about how u respond after a situation.. like.. how u carry urself after u have washed ur wound... but also about how u respond when u are in the midst of that emergency.. like what u do when u are down on the ground in pain.. i must admit i have not handled this well.. shan't elaborate.. embarrassing.. haha.. but i din cry la.. duh~
then we played netball.. against some 26 27 year old ladies and guys who come back to play netball every weekend.. we thought it would be rather easy to beat them.. since our team comprised mainly of atheletic people.. but well.. the truth isn't always so.. perhaps we dun have the mo qi.. or cos the guys are not familiar with netball.. and they were a little short compared to the other guys.. but ya.. we got thrashed.. haha.. but what really struck me was that attitude is so very important.. people reciprocate ur attitude towards them.. when u r friendly towards people.. they wouldn't be nasty twds u unless they are crazy.. but the slightest rowdyness can result in the whole game turning out unpleasant.. there was this guy in the opposite team.. he had this irritating kiam pa face that all of us couldn't stand.. that scrunged up look that is so.. *bleahz* but ya.. he is really agressive.. of cos u shud be agressive in a game.. but he was overly so.. as a result.. he really pissed us off.. netball had this 3 second rule.. release the ball in 3 seconds.. we decided that he was really horrible.. so whenever he held the ball, we would count the seconds out loud.. i must admit it wasn't really good sportsmanship from us.. but that's what i mean by reciprocal of attitude.. and so we entered this vicious cycle.. he got more and more unfriendly.. and the whole game was so heated.. like a real competitive netball game.. i feel that i am very reactive.. not the chemical type.. but.. i react a lot to people's attitude.. it started out as a friendly.. but because of that guy.. and the atmosphere of the whole game.. my attitude got progressively worse.. of cos i know that the attitude of this one guy shouldn't affect me.. but.. can't help it.. its real bad.. and yeah.. the competitive streak in me made me rowdier.. undesirable attitude.. :(( bad habit.. must kick it off.. i get angry too easily.. haha.. i think everyone agrees.. fiery temper..
we had this scholarship exhibition in the morning.. i wasn't planning to go.. but in the end.. i ended up going up to the hall wanting to get a free beautiful navy Al water bottle for my little sis.. and.. what started out to be a superficial conversation to make him give me the waterbottle turned out to be an hour of conversation.. din even realise that we talked for so long though we were both standing.. haha.. shocking.. was asking about SAF scholarship.. my interest got aroused cos he said there was a medicine scholarship available.. so naturally i probed more.. but after the 1 hour chat.. i decided that i dun wanna be a MO in army.. its not the life that i want.. not the type of "helping people" that i want to achieve.. yeah.. wasted 1 hour of my life.. but nvm.. got the navy bottle.. air force notebook and some other real nice goodies.. haha..
sigh sigh.. its tortuous to study.. i feel like this is the hardest part of my life.. like once i get thru this.. i will be able to get thru anything.. but again.. i always feel like this during exam period.. haha.. i know i have resilience.. but i dunno what's the limit.. bleahz.. uni will be like this.. if not worse i guess.. life is just tough.. was lamenting to yh.. saying i should just go be a farmer.. but i figured out that being anyone is as problematic as being anyone else.. our lives now are already so great.. what's the problem with me man! guess it all boils down to us humans not knowing how to cherish what we have.. until we lose it.. haha..
and finally.. i think i understand the meaning of 'a school moulding ur character'.. rj has definitely brought me to a higher level.. never felt that way in rg . rg din mould me as much as squash did.. guess my participation in school matters then wasn't that great.. but yeah.. this year.. i've really learnt a lot.. grew up at an exponential rate.. haha.. suddenly i begin to think of the consequences of the things i did in the past.. last year and so on.. and i really think its pressurizing to be born into this society where every single decision u make will be linked to ur future.. one wrong step and u r disadvantaged.. if only i could just be a fisherman.. :((( just catch fish.. or grow orchids in the netherlands.. haha.. crazy dreams.. but studying really kills.. :(
***______::: what you can do is what you can do, and what you can do is enough:::______***
is what i'm doing ever enough?
