_living each day*

Monday, July 19, 2004

reading the book "a boy called 'it' ", an autobiography of a little boy.. and i'm really disgusted by how a mother can treat her own son this way.. she stabbed him, made him drink ammonia, smell mixture of chlorox and ammonia, made him submerge his whole face in water for hours, starved him for 10 days in a row, bashed him up, prohibited him from getting food, brainwashed him with excuses to give to people who are concerned with his plight, prohibited his father from coming into contact with him, burnt him with a stove and forced him to lay on top of the stove so that she could watch him burn while she stood aside and laughed, smeared his brother's soiled diapers all over his face and forced him to snoot shit down his nose and eat shit.. i feel so.. disgusted and taken aghast by this sort of monstrous behaviour.. this is not the behaviour fit for a human.. and i seriously don't understand why she was like this to him while she was such a motherly figure to the rest of his brothers.. and i don't understand why neither his dad nor his brothers were brave enough to stand up for him.. where have their conscience and courage gone to? have they lost all their feelings? have they been numbed? this is really so disgusting..

but the boy is really good.. admire his courage and will to survive and continue living.. his tolerance.. if it had been me.. i would have slitted my wrists and died.. he was stripped of all his dignity.. he had no sense of self worth at all.. no one bothered giving him any.. and yet he could summon the courage to survive.. its so admirable.. compared to him.. i feel so small.. i have got everything he doesn't have.. and here i am wishing for more.. its wrong.. but it can't be helped.. and i can't help but ask God why some lives are bathed in riches and luxury while some are condemned to suffer the moment they were born..

and i realized that the most powerful force behind the will to live is actually spite.. the more people want you down, the more you want to stand up and show them that you will not be taken down.. this is the real spirit of life! and perhaps, later, this spite will be taken over by hope.. xi wang jiu zai ren jian.. hope brings the passion for life.. hopes for a better tomorrow.. hopes for the suffering to be over.. and i sincerely wish that everyone has equal opportunities to a happy and fulfilling life..

__pondering* 4:38 PM :)