Saturday, July 17, 2004
As i was bathing.. memories just flooded into my mind.. And i realised that memories are the ones that give colours to our lives.. Memories are so important.. they are the ones which keep us company when we are feeling down.. cheer us up.. but they are also the cause of much of our misery.. Memories of mistakes made.. memories of things that should never have been done, memories of things that should have been done..
And naturally, my mind dwelled onto the issue of regrets.. Who can live a life without regrets.. When torn between choices, who can make a choice without regrets.. After making our choices and then meeting difficulties, we always ask ourselves what it could have been if we had taken the other path.. but that is too late.. Regrets.. The most common form of regret arises from taking people and things around you for granted.. We tend to treat the things we've got at hand like dirt, for granted, like they would always be there for you forever, and relish the thought of owning other things, not knowing that the one we have is so precious.. until they are taken away from us, perhaps permanently, perhaps temporarily.. TV serials and stories often depict characters feeling regretful because they did not cherish the people around them when they were still around, or because they did not have the courage to tell them their true feelings.. and everything becomes too late eventually.. Lucky for the people who lost the things they owned only temporarily, for they learn to cherish after they seek it back, but woe to those who lost it forever.. Regrets.
Regret also stems from pressure, from fear.. Pressure to conform to the norm, pressure to maintain inertia and resist changes, fear of what it might be to let go and move on, fear of things that would happen if you make that particular decision, fear of the hardship that would not have been there if you did not change your mind.. Pressure and fear cause you to shy away from courage.. Shy away from being the person you really are and shy away from creating memories that could have made your lives more colourful, or perhaps gloomier.. Another form of regrets.
Life is afterall so unpredictable. Forever is so relative. What is forever actually? What might seem forever today might be transient tomorrow. Who can judge if something is forever after we are gone? And can we continue that forever when we are really gone? Forever is a deception. A honey-coated word that gives people superficial momentary reassurances, something that is capable of laying their hearts at ease for the moment, for they know deep inside that forever is not forever. When paths cross, lives can change. We never know what fate has in store for us. What is a faraway path today might inch nearer to yours everyday, and when they finally cross, the definition of forever might be changed, forever.
Many processes in life are irreversible. Birth, ageing, illness and death are the few examples. However, we do not realise that many decisions that we make are also irreversible, for once made, they lead us onto this path where different memories are created, and there's no heading back. Some things happen and are forgotten, but some things happen and they stay, in our hearts, in our minds, and they change the attitudes towards which we view things, do things, feel about things. They change our lives 'forever'.
As we live everyday, parts of our hearts harden. We lose the sense of wonder and innocence that we once possessed. The optimism, the simple contentment, the easy satisfaction. We become brainwashed, influenced, we learn to toughen up to deal with the complex world, we learn to toughen up to deal with our own complex emotions. We become mummies. This tough exterior that wraps up the rotting interior within. Everyone hopes to find someone with whom they can be themselves, with whom their souls can be nourished. Will fate find a way to everybody's lives?
Our paths towards growth are painted with memories, regrets and irreversible decisions. I hope that the irreversible decisions that i make everyday will not lead me onto the path of regrets and remorseful memories. And i hope the same for everyone in the world too.. And i hope courage triumps over cowardice..
